


i could drink a case of you

by englandziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, arty!zayn, firefighter!Liam, side larry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 15:21:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3415667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/englandziam/pseuds/englandziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is a firefighter. Zayn is an art journalist, and neither of them do this -  (until they do)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i could drink a case of you

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i'm finally posting this, i've been on & off writing this fic for practically months and i've only just had the courage to post. 
> 
> sorry if it seems a little 'bitty', i've never written anything this long before (which you'll probably see when reading) and i've also written the fic with both liam and zayn's POV in some parts.
> 
> title borrowed from james blake, case of you (one of my favourite songs, ever)! 
> 
> this includes slight hints of larry (purely for zoe) so sorry if you're not into the ship but i hope you enjoy anyway.
> 
> okay - i think that's all...i hope you enjoy reading :) --

****

Liam has been in love twice, but he thinks the only time that matters is this –

 

//

 

It’s quiet, a calm wind brewing and the sun tucked away behind soft clouds as he walks up the cobblestone path, a gentle murmur from inside the firehouse before he even reaches the door. A soft breath is taken as he stares at the building in front of him, a rusty red hanging from its hinges that Liam really thinks should be fixed as the door swings open with a squeaky heave and somebody buries him in a hug, blonde hair pushed against his forehead. He grins into Niall’s shoulder when Harry springs onto him, a bundle of limbs in the doorway as Niall fondly kisses Liam’s cheek and mumbles a welcoming “We missed you,” into his hair. Niall’s hair is longer, Liam notes, thicker at the back and heavier on top. It’s been a couple of weeks since he’s last seen his mates but _lifetime_ is the word wandering his mind as his eyes highlight the light scruff at Niall’s jaw and the lengthy strands of Harry’s hair.

Liam’s eyes crinkle as Harry finally releases him and presses a sloppy kiss to his forehead, a deep laugh falling as he hops onto his back and the three continue into the depth of the building. Jade tumbles into his body, her small arms thrown around his neck as he lifts her from the floor, laugh buried into her neck as his arms curve around her waist. Liam smiles, brown eyes and long eyelashes that he’s known forever looking up at him softly.

“You don’t know how good it feels to have you back,” she says into his ear, smile wide as she pulls away and presses both hands to Liam’s cheeks, expression suddenly very stern as she frowns up at him. “Don’t you ever go throwing yourself under falling wooden beams again,” she instructs as Liam rumbles a laugh, fingers aimlessly tucking a curl behind her ear. “I missed having my best friend around here.”

Liam shakes his head and kisses her forehead fondly, smiling as she tucks her head under his jaw and presses herself to his chest. “Not _entirely_ how it happened, babe,” he tells her with a grin and feels arms springing around his neck, pulling him backwards and away from Jade.

“Saved that little girl’s life, didn’t you?” Niall grins proudly, and Liam feels a blush creeping beneath his cheeks as he ducks his head in embarrassment. “Pulled her out of the way and let the beam crush him instead, yeah? I saw it with me own eyes.”

“I don’t -” Liam cuts in but Niall narrows his eyes and continues.

“You’re a right hero, Payno. S’nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“He’s right,” Jade chips in with a soft smile. “You’re a hero, Liam. My hero,” she grins, swooning playfully to which Liam rolls his eyes at and nudges at his best friend.

“S’not really like that,” Liam shrugs, both of his mates frowning as Niall rolls his eyes against Liam’s neck. “It’s our job, innit? To save people. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Don’t play yourself down,” Harry joins them, sheepishly curling himself into Liam’s side and smiling when Liam buries his head into Harry’s curls. “You were in the paper and everything, Li.”

“How are your burns?” Jade asks and Liam sees the hint of sadness in her eyes, a soft memory tucked away as he remembers her tears when she sat beside him in hospital while he fell in and out of consciousness. Liam shrugs off his jacket and pulls up the sleeve of his shirt, a laugh falling when Jade takes his wrist in her small hands and links their fingers together, a sad smile warming her lips while Liam feels several kisses placed to his skin from Niall and Harry.

“Battle scars, yeah?” Liam pulls her in for another hug, one armed as the four of them cuddle for a moment until the alarm rings above them. Liam immediately drills back into routine, quickly kissing the top of Jade’s head before shrugging himself out of the boys’ hold and reaching for the uniform hanging proudly from the hook with his name scrawled above.

“Oi, Leeymo,” Niall calls, reaching for Liam’s arm. “Tommo’s got this shift. He’s ready downstairs.”

“You’re kidding?” Liam says with a disappointed frown, lips curving into a scowl. “Why can’t I take first?”

He hears the giggle from Jade’s lips, something along the lines of _I fucking_ told _you, Nialler_ forming a smile and causing Niall to shrug himself away with hands held out defensively.

“Alright, mate, let’s see what you’ve got,” he grins and Liam takes his uniform, hurriedly wrapping himself around the pole and greeting Louis outside the truck downstairs.

“Payno’s back!” He yells before they pile into the truck, Louis nuzzling his head briefly into Liam’s neck and Liam thinks it feels something like _warmth_ , the adrenaline in his veins and the pink lips against his skin something a little like comfort. “Missed you, mate.”

“Fucking true, Leeymo,” Josh chips in from the steering wheel as he indicates left and Liam throws an arm around Louis. “Wouldn’t bloody shut up about ya.”

“Alright,” Louis scoffs into Liam’s shoulder, waving Josh off with his middle finger and a roll of his eyes. “I’m not bloody in love with him, for fucks sake.”

“Sounded like it,” Josh teases, smiling as Louis grumbles and tells him rather impolitely to shut up. “He’s right, though, mate. It’s good to have you back.”

 

++

 

When they arrive at the destination, Liam clambers out of the vehicle and instructs the two boys to stay put after surveying the scene. “I’ll go up and call you if needed,” he tells them, smile wide as Louis yells a teasing “Watch out for any beams!”

Liam passes through the apartment block, the fire alarm ringing loud in his ears as he paces up the stairs and locates the required flat number. He knocks on the door of 16A, a murmur of curses from the other side as the lock is drawn and the door is pulled open.

Liam’s lips part breathlessly as he stares at the boy in front of him, skin soft like caramel and eyes the colour of warm tea that Liam wants to drink in. His pink lips are mumbling words and it takes Liam a moment to concentrate himself and listen to what the boy is saying.

“Fuck,” the boy mutters to himself as he looks up at Liam, eyes wide as he drinks in the uniform tight to Liam’s body. “Shit, I’m so sorry. Oh, god. Am I the reason you’re here?”

Liam shakes his head, smile bright as he leans against the doorway. “It’s fine, we get false alarms all the time. Is everything okay?”

The boy nods, lips parted and it’s awful, really, how for a moment he considers kissing those lips until they’re a swollen red and -

“I just burnt the chicken, s’all,” the boy says and Liam watches as a light blush sprinkles his cheeks and he scratches awkwardly at his jaw. “I don’t know how to turn the damn alarm off.”

“There’s usually an alarm setting for the whole apartment,” Liam explains and guides the boy down the stairs, a surprised whine leaving the boys’ lips when Liam finds the switch and the shrill of the alarm finally stops.

“I’m so sorry —”

“It’s fine, really,” Liam shakes his head with a smile.

“I feel awful for getting you all the way out here for no reason, um, can I at least offer you a cup of tea to make up for it?”

“I’d love to, but I’m on shift, now, so I’ve got to get back to the house,” Liam mumbles, eyes fixed on the hand the boy is running through his hair, fingers that he desperately wants running over his skin and possibly wrapped around his dick and -

“Maybe I could get your number, instead?”

Liam silently gasps the moment the words tumble from his lips, a blush brushing his cheeks and his fingers scratching painfully hard against his wrist because _he doesn’t do this._

The boy wrinkles his nose, tongue running along his lower lip, _teasing_ , almost.

He smiles slightly, head cocked to one side as he murmurs the “I’m not really into that kind of thing,” and Liam’s cheeks are suddenly very red, feet stumbling backwards as he whispers a soft, “Oh. Shit, okay - sorry, I…”

The boys’ eyes widen and he reaches for Liam, hand wrapping around his wrist to stop him from moving further. “I didn’t mean I’m not into guys,” he stumbles out a laugh, voice smooth and soft and Liam thinks, wickedly, that he wants to lick into his mouth just to shut him up. “Definitely into guys, I just.”

“It’s cool, mate, honestly,” Liam interrupts, smile tight as he backs away once more only to be stopped by the boys’ tight grip.

“I just meant that I’m not into giving people my number,” he explains softly. “If we’re meant to see each other again, we will.”

Liam nods as he mumbles something about _fate_ and the boy lets out a gentle laugh and releases his grip on Liam’s arm. It’s silly, he thinks, but he swears the touch burns through his thermals and leaves a mark looking something a little like comfort on his skin.

“Something like that,” the boy smiles, lips stretched beautifully into a dark shade of pink. “I’m really sorry for wasting your time.”

“As I said, it really isn’t a problem,” Liam tells him as they walk from the apartment basement and up to the ground floor. “Have a good day.”

The boy mumbles a quiet, “you too,” and gives a little wave before turning to continue up the stairs.

Liam stops him as he gets halfway up the stairs, smiling as he calls up to the boy. “Can I at least have your name?” He asks, arms held out and hands splayed flat as he questions the boy. He looks down at Liam, a chuckle shooting straight to Liam’s chest as he nods and swiftly replies with “Zayn.”

“Zayn,” Liam says quietly to nobody in particular, possibly to himself for clarification. “I’m Liam,” he shouts up the stairs.

“Leeyum,” Zayn says softly, and Liam likes the way it sits perfectly at the tip of Zayn’s tongue, lips dragging out the word rather beautifully. “Bye, Liam.”

Liam nods slowly, smile still bright and heart drumming pathetically as he turns and steps out into the cold.

  
++

  
As winter grows closer the nights become unpleasantly cold, naked trees lining the street and frost bringing a crisp to the leaves as they fall to the ground and tumble across the snow covered roads. Liam pulls his scarf up over his chin to keep out the icy wind battling against his skin and chapping his lips as he walks up the pathway to the small pub owned by Jade’s parents. The moon is sheltered by looming clouds while white flakes fall to the ground and Liam smiles as he steps into the warmth of the pub, an overwhelming feeling of comfort warming his blood. The old jukebox sitting in the corner is playing Michael Bublé quietly – undoubtedly Niall’s choice, he thinks – with a couple of guys playing snooker in the far end of the pub. He briefly closes his eyes and _breathes,_ the familiar murmur of the pub a happy memory tucked away safely in Liam’s mind.

There’s a chant of “Leeymo!” as he sneaks up behind them and wraps his arms around Jade’s waist, settling his head on her shoulder as she pecks a quick kiss to his cheek and encourages him to the stool next to hers.

“Where’s Tommo?” Liam asks, a grin swallowing his frown when Harry hangs off his side, cheeks already a little flushed from the consumption of alcohol.

“Had to work another night shift,” Harry says with sad eyes, and Liam brushes his fingers against the boys’ jaw and presses his lips to his shoulder because he _knows_. “Ian’s _sick_ , apparently,” Harry sniffs and Liam snorts. “Seemed bloody fine to me, yesterday.”

“S’okay, Haz, I’ll be your boyfriend this evening,” Niall says as he downs the last of his beer, tucking his grin behind his glass.

“He isn’t my boyfriend,” Harry states with flushed cheeks and wide eyes, coughing awkwardly when Niall lowly says “Well, whatever he is. I know you two exchange blowjobs between shifts,” and Jade giggles into Liam’s collar, horror slating Harry’s expression before he folds and laughs into Niall’s side.

“You aren’t to tell anyone about that,” Harry mumbles between giggles and Liam smiles, cheeks aching as he takes in the laughter and the smiles and his _mates_ that mean the bloody world to him.

“Mum hired a new bartender,” Jade says softly, eyebrows raised with a wicked smile as she looks across at Liam. “He’s quite gorgeous, reckon you’ll fancy him a bit.”

“Yeah?” Liam questions, smile tucked away behind his hands. “Is he working tonight?”

Jade nods, grin wide as she bumps her hip against Liam’s. “He’s in the kitchen, I think. Should be about soon.”

Niall and Harry leave to play a game of pool while Jade and Liam gossip at their stools and everything feels _right_ , like it was always meant to be this way. Jade nudges Liam a little too sharply in the hip when her eyes trail across to the other end of the bar and a wicked grin spreads to her lips.

“Look at him,” she whispers against Liam’s jaw before Liam has a chance to look. “Those cheekbones, I _swear_.”

The boy looks up to Jade and grins and Liam’s heart bloody stops in his chest. It’s totally and completely cliché, or maybe something a little like _fate,_ that Zayn walks up with two glasses and fills them with beer before even glancing at Liam.

“Zayn?” Liam asks and his chin lifts, smiling as he places two beers in front of him and Jade.

“Leeyum?” Zayn questions, Liam’s eyes crinkling at the corners and his mouth watering at the very sound of his voice.

Jade’s brow draws into a frown and she looks between the two, fingers crawling to Liam’s wrist. “You two know each other?”

Liam nods and forces his eyes away from Zayn’s. “I met Zayn a couple of weeks ago during my shift.”

“Still highly embarrassed,” Zayn smiles and _God_ does Liam want to mark that jaw as his. Liam shakes his head and reaches for his drink, gulping down half the glass in one swallow.

“That was _Zayn?”_ Jade asks, a smirk wiping her frown and Liam’s eyes widen because he _knows_ that look. “Louis told me —”

“ _Jade_ ,” Liam hisses with a clenched jaw, eyes narrowing and leg kicking carefully against her shin. Liam smiles tightly up at Zayn in apology, teeth biting down nervously onto his lip as Jade hushes and squeezes Liam’s wrist.

“I’m gonna go watch Nialler thrash Haz’s arse,” she says softly, smirk still catching at her lips as Liam subtly widens his eyes at her. “Be back in a bit, babe.”

She hops off from her stool and skips over to the pool table where Harry is whining over Niall cheating, glancing back once with a smirk still glued to her dark lips. Liam turns back, suddenly very aware of the proximity between himself and Zayn.

“Hi,” Liam says quietly, fingers tapping against the rim of his glass as Zayn leans over the bar, arms folded on the wooden surface and smile dangerously beautiful as he looks up at Liam.

“Hey,” Zayn grins, a shameful twitch to Liam’s cock as he imagines those lips stretched around his dick. “I probably should have guessed you know Jade.”

“Since we were three,” Liam explains, hiding his smile behind his glass as he takes another sip of the sour beverage. “We trained together and then a couple of years into working she transferred to my firm.”

Zayn nods, eyes wide like he’s taking it all in. His eyes wander and Liam finds himself chugging back another couple of gulps in hope for the alcohol to soon start up the buzz in his system. “Do you all work together?” He asks, referring to the three in the corner of the pub. Liam turns and watches with a fond grin as Harry swings the snooker cue at Niall’s head.

Liam hums and turns back to Zayn, nodding. “Those twats saved my life.”

“Metaphorically or literally speaking?” Zayn asks, voice soft like velvet or smooth caramel.

“Literally – they pulled me out from under a burning beam.”

“What happened?” Liam looks up at Zayn, brow drawn into a deep frown as he watches Liam carefully and Liam thinks he sees worry shaping his eyes.

“It was four months ago, a house down Warwick Lane completely in flames, four kids, I think, and two adults trapped on the second floor. Six of us went up and that lot managed to get them out but there was this little girl crying for help. She’d shut herself in the wardrobe, bless her – I think she wanted to hide herself away from it all. So beautiful, she was. Brown hair down to her waist and these big blue eyes, they were so red from crying - I’ll never forget that,” Liam pauses, eyes focusing on Zayn’s whose are still wide in interest as he leans further across the bar, fingers drumming against the bottom of Liam’s glass.

Liam smiles, head cocked to the side as he thinks, stupidly, that he is overwhelmingly and undeniably certain that he wants to take this boy home and show off just how _pretty_ he is.

“I eventually managed to get her out the wardrobe; she was so _frightened_ – and carried her down what was left of the stairs. Niall came back to find us and yelled at me to get out the way – that’s when the beam was falling and would have bloody killed the little girl.”

Zayn’s lips part and Liam wishes the boys’ tongue would stay inside his damn mouth instead of licking anxiously over his lips when Liam pauses for breath.

“Anyway, I pulled her out the way and pushed her across to Niall who took her outside. The beam crushed the right side of my body,” Liam laughs nervously, sipping at his beer and smiling as Zayn gingerly takes the empty glass from his hands and refills it. “If it weren’t for that lot I probably would have been dead.”

“Bloody hell, mate,” Zayn finally says, voice a low whisper as leans back against the far side of the bar. “You’ve been through hell.”

Liam shrugs, shoulders lifting as he rolls his lip between his teeth, biting back a smile. “All I could think about was saving that girl, you know? I was so caught up in the moment – I didn’t care what happened to me.”

“Fucking brave, you are,” Zayn smiles softly. Liam feels the heat rising to his cheeks and his teeth keep tugging on his bottom lip until it’s sore because he’s so lost in Zayn and his delicate fingers and his gentle voice and his bloody _face,_ and he’s trying his very best – and failing – to concentrate on anything else but the tall boy in front of him.

“Enough about me,” Liam laughs, followed by a quiet cough as he struggles to clear his face from embarrassment. “Tell me about you.”

Zayn laughs, the sound music to his ears and Liam holds back the thought because when did his thoughts become so _cliché_. “What would you like to know?”

“Tell me about the, urm, whole fate thing.”

“ _Whole fate thing_ ,” Zayn repeats, smirk whispered to his lips as he raises his eyebrows. Liam rolls his eyes, mainly at Zayn but partly towards himself because he cannot stop thinking about wiping away that grin with his lips and –

“’M not sure how to explain it, mate.”

“I don’t mind,” Liam says gently, sipping away at his drink and looking up at Zayn over the top of his glass.

“I dunno,” Zayn murmurs. “I guess I just believe that if something is meant to happen, then it will.”

Liam hums, nodding as Zayn scratches at his jaw. “Like you turning me down the other night and us meeting here, on my only night off in a month?”

Liam bites back a grin as Zayn’s lips part and he leans further across the bar, single eyebrow raised before his eyes narrow and he bites onto his lip.

“Seems like fate to me, babe.”

Zayn shakes his head, coughing out a laugh that Liam smiles at. “What are you doing to me, Leeyum? You’re pulling me away from all me morals, aren’t you?” He questions, voice calm and almost teasing as his tongue swipes over his lower lip.

“Does that mean you’ll give me your number and agree to go on a date with me?” Liam adds, lip bruised from the countless amounts of times he’s bitten into it.

“I don’t date,” Zayn answers quietly, fingers brushing dangerously close to Liam’s. “That’s. I kind of use fate as an excuse.”

“I fell into your trap,” Liam says, eyes crinkling around the edges.

“I’m, I,” Zayn sighs his parted lips and Liam can almost taste the smoke from his last cigarette, the flavour numb on his tongue. “I’m willing to make an exception. For you, I mean.”

Liam sheepishly scratches the back of his neck. “I don’t really date, either. I – we could. Go out, as friends?”

Zayn hums, a soft smile washing rather beautifully over his lips as he looks up from his fumbling fingers and to Liam’s grin. “Friends? Yeah, that. That could work.”

“So I can ask you on a date?” Liam asks quietly, fingertips tracing the stubble climbing his jaw. “As friends.”

“I’m not sure - _maybe,_ ” Zayn grins, smirk tugging at his lips as his eyes flicker to the cheering of Niall from the other end of the pub and Jade singing along to _The Beatles_ from the jukebox – his eyes then wandering back to Liam’s, a shrug lifting his shoulders as he whispers a teasing “I guess you’ll just have to earn it, babe.”

 

++

 

Once Liam goes back, he’s busy with work; working night shifts throughout the whole week and sleeping through the day. It isn’t hard for him to get back into the swing of things, he loves his job and the people around him and it feels like he’s never left, despite the realisation that he needs to work out a bit more.

“Have you called him yet?” Harry asks after they come out of the practise house, a manikin flopped over his shoulder which he passes to Josh with a grin and a bump of the shoulder. Liam turns back to Harry, wiping the sweat from his forehead and wrinkling his nose at the stern frown carefully caught to Harry’s expression. 

He shakes his head with a mumbling sigh, biting down onto his lip when Harry lets out a frustrated growl and throws his hands into the air. 

“Why not?” He presses, looping his arm through Liam’s as they walk up to the firehouse. 

“You know why,” Liam sighs, smile tight as Harry looks at him with sad eyes.  

“What’s the worst that could happen, babe?”

“I could come home to find him shagging his ex in our bed, maybe.”

Harry waves a hand in the air, sympathetic eyes watching as he wraps an arm around Liam’s waist.

“Irrelevant, Liam. Not everyone is like that.”

“I know, just – ”

“Ask him out, Liam,” Harry says quietly. “Before he gets the wrong idea.”

“We’re talking about the hot bartender, yeah?” Louis chips in, lips quirking into a smug grin when Liam blushes, cheeks peppered a light pink as he huffs and silently toys with the zip of his uniform.

 

  
++

 

  
It’s late when Liam collapses into his sofa in a pair of sweats, a mug of tea wrapped in his hands and old repeats of Friends playing quietly on the telly. He pulls out his phone, thumb scrolling through his contacts until he reaches _Zayn_. The name sits uncomfortably in his mind as he taps the message icon and the phone brings up a blank message. 

 _hiiiiii its liam :)_ he types, thumb hovering over the send button for several moments before he frowns and hits send before he can change his mind. 

He rests his phone on the arm of the sofa and sips at his tea, mind wandering to the mindless chatter on the telly. His phone buzzes just a minute later.

_Hey! Thought you’d forgotten about me ;) Z_

_srry, was super busy w work this week :(_

_It’s okay, none of you have been down the pub so I assumed you’d all be working night shifts_

_Yh :--( u still up for that date?_ Liam blinks hastily and hides his grin behind his mug.

_Depends…are you going to dress up in a suit and kiss me on my doorstep?? ;)_

Liam laughs as he sips at his tea, the warm liquid calming the bundle of nerves scrunching up his throat.

 _maybe – i guess youll have to earn it_ he types. He smiles and quickly sends another text.

_dinner nxt saturday ?? im not working in the evening?_

_Sounds good, Liam. I look forward to seeing you in a suit :-) Z x_

++

 

It’s ridiculous, really, how flustered Liam is as he weaves his way around his flat on Saturday night, Louis and Harry dropping by at seven on their way to town. Liam’s in a suit and as he looks in the mirror suddenly feels like he’s being stupid, like Zayn was joking and he’s setting himself up for humiliation.

“Who gives a shit?” Harry tells him, fingers flattening out the collar of his jacket and straightening his tie. “You look bloody gorgeous.”

“Hey,” Louis whines from his position on the sofa, legs folded lazily on top of the coffee table.

“Shut up,” Harry mumbles with a roll of his eyes as he pointedly turns to Louis. “I don’t see you helping at _all,_ so don’t complain, babe.”

“You’re right,” Louis lifts his eyebrows with a smirk. He slips from the sofa with a knowing grin and returns, after Harry is done fussing with his hair, with a large glass of red wine. “Here…to help with the nerves.”

“I’m driving, Louis.”

“You’re allowed one glass, you twat,” Louis snaps kindly, pressing the glass into Liam’s hands. “Trust me, you’re a fucking mess. You need that – drink up, babe.”

Liam gulps back sips of the dark liquid, the alcohol a slight burn to his throat and a warmth to his chest as he smiles over at Louis who rolls his eyes and claps him on the back.

“S’not that I haven’t dated a guy before,” Liam reminds him quietly and leans back against the table as Harry takes a seat on the arm of the sofa. “S’that I _don’t date_.”

“You just shag em’,” Louis grins, ignoring Harry’s hand batting at his chest.

Liam blushes, the blood rushing to his cheeks as Louis laughs quietly.

“You’re going to be fine,” Harry says with a reassuring smile. “He’d be a dick not to like you, babe.”

“Haz’s right,” Louis finally shoots a serious grin as he wraps his hands around Harry’s hips. “And if he turns out to _be_ a dick, we’ll…set him on fire or something.”

“We’re supposed to put _out_ the fire, Lou,” Liam reminds him and turns back to the mirror, straightening his tie for the third time in the past half hour and placing the almost-empty glass onto the table. He checks his phone and sees two messages, one from Jade – something along the lines of _hope ur date goes okay, he’ll love you just like i do_ to which he replies with a smiley face emoji – and one from Zayn – _Can’t wait to see you later!_ –which puts a small smile on his face and reassures the bundle of nerves threatening to press to the surface.

“I’m going to leave,” Liam informs Harry and Louis, a bundle of limbs on his sofa, as he walks through from the bedroom. “You can just let yourselves out –”

“It’s fine, we’re leaving, too,” Harry tells him and pushes himself from Louis’ lap, arms curling around Liam’s neck before he can step forward. “Have fun, everything will be fine.”

“Go get ‘im, tiger,” Louis tells him with a teasing smile and Liam rolls his eyes as he is pulled in for another hug. “Oh, and stay _safe_ and all that shit.”

“Okay, _go_ ,” Liam instructs with a laugh, a definite shove pushing Louis towards the door with Harry following behind.

 

++

 

Liam arrives at Zayn’s apartment block at around quarter to eight, eyes folding closed and a long exhale warming the immediate air before he leaves his car and jogs up the steps leading to the block. He buzzes flat 16A, the combination a gentle reminder of the first time Liam met Zayn, and waits for Zayn’s soft voice to flood through the speaker.

“I’ll be down in two,” he says smoothly and Liam swears he can hear a smile in his voice - or perhaps he’s just picturing the beautiful expression in his mind.

Liam waits just a little way away from the door, a smile immediately brushing to his lips when Zayn steps out and tugs at the collar of his jacket. Liam takes a moment to let his eyes wander over the tall boy in front of him; navy shirt hidden beneath a dark suit jacket and cheekbones prominent beneath the low porch light.

 (And it’s not as if Liam hadn’t already imagined Zayn dressed smartly in a suit but bloody hell does it live up to and exceed his expectations seeing him in person.)

“Don’t you look dashing,” Zayn says with a shy smile and Liam decides that he never wants to take his eyes off Zayn’s lips.

“I could say the same about you,” Liam grins, most of his nerves seeming to dissolve as Zayn steps forward and flashes him another small smile as the two walk down to his car.

 

++

 

A soft smile shapes Liam’s lips throughout the evening as the two sip on white wine, both talking about work and home and their childhood. Zayn talks about his family, mentioning his younger sisters with a fond smile and telling Liam about his passion for art ever since he was little. He explains how he used to stay behind after class and spend endless lunchtimes drawing or painting in the art room while the other kids played football outside and Liam listens carefully with a smile, intrigued by every tiny detail. Liam learns that bartending is a quick way to pay the bills while Zayn looks for a career in art journalism. Zayn asks about Jade and his boys and Liam smiles his way through his answers, explaining how they met and how Jade and Liam used to play firefighters when they were ten and their Mum’s would watch them squirt one another with the garden hose through the window.

Liam likes to _watch_ Zayn, too, eyes picking up on the way a light blush brushes his cheeks when he speaks of his family and the way his lip rolls between his teeth when he’s listening – cocking his head to one side and nodding carefully. Liam wholeheartedly decides that he has a Zayn Malik cheekbone fetish, because the amount of times he imagines those cheeks hollowed out while Zayn sucks his dick is probably worryingly unhealthy.

By the end of the evening, when their voices are slightly slurred and cheeks a soft red from the wine, Liam pays the bill after a light hearted argument as to who is going to pay – and it’s rather cliché, he thinks, what with the gentle bickering and the evening panning out wonderfully – but on the way home Zayn’s fingers slot in between Liam’s and his head rests against Liam’s shoulder, and the thought is brushed aside.

He blurts out a rather rushed, “Can I kiss you?” on Zayn’s doorstep, a pink to his cheeks that Zayn notices but smiles at and steps a little closer, eyes washing over Liam’s dimly lit face as he nods.

Zayn, Liam decides, tastes purely of perfection, the wine still stained to his taste buds and tobacco imprinted to the roof of his mouth as Liam kisses Zayn softly and lets his tongue lick up against his teeth. Liam’s fingers press gently up against the skin at Zayn’s neck, tips brushing over the short buzz of hair tucked away behind his ear. He notices the breathless smile painted effortlessly to Zayn’s lips when they pull away, mouths still brushing over each other’s but lips gasping for breath ever so quietly.

“This goes against everything I stand for,” Zayn whispers hotly, smile pressing to Liam’s as they kiss again gently. “But do you want to come back to mine?”

Liam all but _moans_ under Zayn’s kiss and it’s rather embarrassing, actually, but Zayn is grinning as he pulls Liam inside with him, fingers tangled messily as they hurry up the stairs and to the first floor where Zayn’s flat is.

Their kisses are sloppy and messy and Liam wants to slow down to save this moment in an unusual worry that it won’t happen again, but Zayn is shrugging his jacket off and Liam is introduced to the tattoos lining Zayn’s arms, and the thought easily fades.

“Are you even _real?_ ” Liam questions breathlessly in a whisper as he tugs at the boys’ shirt, dark ink splayed deeper to skin that has Liam’s heart clenching in an unfamiliar way. Zayn laughs into Liam’s neck at his words, smoothing a soft kiss to his skin and whispering a giggling, “ _Shoes,_ babe,” into the curve of Liam’s jaw. Liam kicks off his own shoes and reaches down to help with Zayn’s as the boy speaks a mumble of curses and another gentle laugh is pressed against Liam’s chest.

Liam’s fingers catch at Zayn’s chin when he looks back up, fingertips smoothing over the rough stubble as he leans down to kiss the warm pair of lips once more. “Slow, babe,” he whispers and partially forgets his own name as Zayn smiles and presses his lips to Liam’s neck, gently sucking a kiss into his flushed skin.

“Zayn,” Liam whines and it’s a sound that has Zayn grinning, hands grasping at the back of Liam’s head and fingers getting lost in his hair.

“ _Leeyum,”_ Zayn teases softly against Liam’s lips, mouth messily kissing along his jaw when Liam wraps an arm around the small of Zayn’s back and presses his fingers into his hip. Liam hushes him by fiddling with the zipper of his trousers, dipping his fingers behind the material and lazily stroking at the hair brushing up soft skin.

“Can we – bedroom,” Zayn murmurs under his breath, lips at Liam’s ear as he exhales in a breathless whisper, fingers shakily undoing the buttons leading down Liam’s shirt.

“Wait,” Liam whispers, fingers stopping Zayn’s as he reaches the last button, lips parted with worried eyes looking away anxiously. “I’ve got scars, _burns_ up the right side –

“I don’t care,” Zayn says quietly with a soft smile, eyes washing over Liam’s face and a gentle kiss pressed to his skin. “You’re more than perfect, Liam…that’s not, they’re not important,” he continues, adding a hushed, “ _Fuck_ , babe,” as his eyes wander down Liam’s chest, a light blush peppering Liam’s cheeks and an ink smeared arm covering his face in embarrassment. Zayn laughs softly, teeth biting down harshly onto his lip as he teasingly drags his hands up Liam’s stomach, a quiet, “Are you fucking _photoshopped_?” giggled into Liam’s neck.

“Babe,” Zayn murmurs as he grasps Liam’s hand and gently tugs him through his apartment, Liam noticing the pack of cigarettes on the coffee table and an old comic book tucked in between the sofa cushions.

 “You’re so gorgeous, Liam,” he breathes softly and Liam bites back the moan strangled in his throat as Zayn shrugs off what’s left of the shirt hanging from his shoulders and Liam tugs at Zayn’s trousers, encouraging the boy to rid of them.

Zayn pulls Liam forwards onto the bed, lips pressed to his birthmark and from there it’s messy kisses and soft giggles and gentle moans as Liam thrusts into Zayn, fingers tangled and stretched arm’s length between the sheets. And Liam thinks he wants to hear the, “ _Please,_ Leeyum _,”_ and “God, babe, you’re incredible,” more often but he doesn’t dwell on the thought as he rolls his hips and brushes his mouth in a sloppy kiss over Zayn’s parted lips.

 

++

 

Liam trades his Friday night out for a quiet evening in with Zayn and it turns out that he is a rather excellent cook, the two cooped up on the sofa with bowls of rice and beef pasanda that tastes like heaven and is much better than the takeout Liam usually finds himself eating.

“You’ll teach me how to make this, yeah?” Liam mumbles in between bites, eyes crinkled as Zayn nods and nudges his foot against Liam’s ankle. They talk their way through just about everything, Liam listening with his hands wrapped around a mug of steaming tea as Zayn talks about art and literature with a bright and proud smile. He shows Liam his paintings, starting with a few until Liam demands to see the rest and Zayn comes in with an A3 folder filled with various sketches.

“S’amazing,” Liam says with gentle eyes, fingers tracing the outlines of several drawings.

“Really?” Zayn smiles, biting at his lip as he looks up at Liam from across the sofa. “Nobody really ever pays attention to any of this.”

Liam looks up, a frown creasing his brow as he drums his fingers across Zayn’s knee.

“You’re incredible, these are sick,” he mutters with a shake of his head, confusion settled to his expression. “So you like, write about your own work?”

Zayn shakes his head, a soft laugh at his lips.

“Nah, these are just for fun. I write about other artists work.”

“You could sell these,” Liam tells him, a serious tone to his smile as he subconsciously moves a little closer to Zayn. Zayn wrinkles his nose, tongue swiping out over his lips and Liam wants nothing more than to kiss them until they are bruised.

“I’m serious. I’d buy them,” Liam says quietly, reaching for a crinkled sheet beneath the pile. The drawing is a pencil sketch of Captain America, watercolours inked softly across the page and for an unknown reason the picture tugs lightly at Liam’s heart.

“This is – wow,” Liam mutters, shaking his head as he looks up to Zayn. “I didn’t know you were into this kind of thing.”

Zayn nods, a nervous smile at his lips that he hides into his tea. Liam can’t help that his eyes linger on Zayn’s face, at his lips, and admire the way the gentle glare from the lamp washes over his skin with a soft glow.

“I have…somewhere,” Zayn mutters under his breath, reaching across Liam and blushing slightly as his fingers brush against Liam’s and across his thigh. When he pulls back he brings a wad of drawings with him, pressing them gently into Liam’s lap with an apprehensive smile.

Liam grins and flicks his way through the paintings, Liam’s favourite heroes sketched beautifully page after page.

“I’m a bit of a geek,” Zayn mumbles with his lip drawn between his teeth, brushing his shoulder past Liam’s. “I don’t know– ”

“These are sick,” Liam tells him, turning with a bright smile as he thumbs over the drawings. “I’m um, I’m a little bit of a geek too, if you see it like that.”

Zayn flushes, cheeks peppered a delicate pink that Liam drags his thumb over. He pulls away when Zayn looks up at him from behind feathery eyelashes, a nervous smile flashing across his lips.

“Sorry, that was a bit –”

“S’fine, Leeyum,” Zayn cuts him off softly. “I don’t mind.”

Liam shakes his head, teeth tugging a little harshly at his lip as his eyes wander slowly across the dark coral of Zayn’s mouth and the way his tongue swipes a teasing trail along his lower lip.

“Leeyum,” Zayn says quietly, the name rolling easily from his tongue as if he’s been tasting the sound for years. Liam’s eyes flash up to Zayn’s, suddenly very aware of the proximity of them both as Zayn’s knuckles brush over Liam’s wrist and his fingertips trail along his arm and gently outline the few tattoos canvasing his skin.

“Liam, kiss me.”

Liam has no time to pause and think about how fast they’re taking things as his fingers press up against the hair bristled behind Zayn’s ear and he smears a hushed giggle to Zayn’s mouth. His eyes flutter closed when he feels Zayn’s lips smile against his own, the kiss soft and slow as Liam tastes the gentle clash of spices and mint upon Zayn’s tongue pressing against his own.

Zayn makes a soft humming noise as Liam tenderly tucks away the hair falling over Zayn’s eyes, different to the way Liam usually sees him, perfectly shaped into a flawless quiff, but Liam likes it all the same, if not more.

It’s a feeling that plucks heavily at the strings of anxiety and fear settling uneasily in Liam’s chest as he considers wanting to know Zayn more. He frantically tucks away the thoughts of staying up late and talking to Zayn around a cup of tea or having him draw out new sketches while cuddled in Liam’s lap between shifts at work when Zayn’s fingers press to the bottom of his spine and dip cautiously up his shirt. His eyelashes flutter, a grin shaping his lips as he draws back for breath, another peck gentle to Zayn’s smile as he mutters _So, Val Kilmer or Christian Bale?_ and Liam rolls his eyes before dipping in for another kiss.

 

++

 

Liam’s mind is more colourful and, constantly reminded by Louis that “It’s the _sex,_ Liam,” everything feels a little bit gentler and warm - and Zayn stains his thoughts more than anything familiar.

There’s a strange feeling of hope (and possibly _love_ , though Liam’s not sure he’s quite ready to go there) when Liam notices the way Zayn colourfully appears in his apartment, cigarette boxes and graphite pencils sprawled across the coffee table and a pair of vans a size too big for Liam’s feet resting beneath the bed with several articles scattered across the flat. And Liam thinks that it was always meant to be this way - with Zayn curled up at his feet drafting out a column for his blog or licking into his mouth when they’re supposed to be watching a film.

It’s times when Zayn murmurs words in Urdu up again Liam’s ear, voice soft and gentle as he whispers kind words of affection that have Liam blushing, and others when Zayn drops by the firehouse with coffee for everyone, Liam’s cup a little message scrawled at the bottom and the way Zayn grins before he leaves with a soft whisper of “Save some lives for me, babe,” where _boyfriend_ and perhaps something a little like _love_ trails along his every thought – but no, they don’t _do_ that.

 (It doesn’t stop him from whispering gentle words of affection into Zayn’s hair when their bodies are pressed together and Zayn buries his head further into Liam’s neck like he’s _listening_ , though.)

 

++

 

When winter approaches, and frost devours the grass and sets the winter ice cold with scarves and hats and warm jumpers, Liam and Zayn spend their nights in the warmth of the pub, the two a bundle of limbs perched onto a stool in between Zayn’s shifts. The pub is decorated in Christmas decorations as soon as December arrives, the cosy building dimly lit with twinkling fairy lights and paper chains hanging from the ceiling, the same Liam and Jade made when they were younger. 

Liam chats with Jade’s mum when Zayn is serving, a fond smile as he watches Zayn’s eyes continuously find Liam’s with a blush sprinkling his cheeks and a shy smile pressing to his lips. Jade’s mum notices, a smirk politely slipping as she squeezes Liam’s waist and grins whilst promising to not tell his Mum. 

Liam is sitting in a booth near the back with Jade sat in his lap, soft giggles quietly filling the crowded pub as the two down shots, the alcohol burning Liam’s throat as he slings an arm around Jade’s shoulder and fades out the chatter from Perrie and Josh beside him.

“He’s very beautiful, isn’t he?” Liam whispers like it’s a secret - like everybody in this damn pub doesn’t know how bloody smitten he is for this chap with cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass and a smile warm enough to melt ice (or possibly hearts in Liam’s case, though he pushes the thought to the back of his mind). 

Jade nods, grinning, as she turns to watch. “He is, babe,” she says with a smug smile, wrapping a strand of hair coyly around her finger as she cocks her head to one side and looks back to Liam. “You’re quite in love with him, aren’t you?”

Liam blushes, cheeks hot as he bows his head and feels his eyelashes flutter against Jade’s shoulder with a roll of his eyes. “Jade,” he mumbles in a sudden fluster, eyes narrowing as Jade rather pointedly raises her eyebrows at him and bats at his chest with a tired look upon her face. “I don’t do that.”

“Whatever you say, Liam,” she teases, fingers at Liam’s neck as she strokes at his skin softly. “If he, or any other lad for that matter, breaks your heart then I will be here, won’t I?”

Liam hums with a soft smile, nudging his head against Jade’s shoulder as she tips her head back and takes another shot. “I know…you were with Danielle,” he offers quietly. Jade wrinkles her nose and Liam bites down on his lip as he watches Zayn from across the pub. 

She hums as she sips at her drink and Liam’s eyes flicker once more to the boy pouring chatting with Jade’s mum at the bar. His dark ones are already fixed to Liam’s and he wipes his hands with a tea towel, dipping around the bar and approaching the two sitting in the booth.  

“Can you take over for five while I have a smoke?” He asks, voice incredulously velvety and smooth and Liam, wickedly, wants to fuck him until his voice is nothing but hoarse - tight at the back of his throat and painfully wonderful as he moans out Liam’s name.

Jade nods, holding out a hand for Zayn to take and pull her up from Liam’s lap. “Come with me?” Zayn mumbles quietly, a shy smile hiding at his lips as Liam grins and pushes himself from the booth, fingers slipping weakly around Zayn’s wrist.

There’s a chorus of curses when the icy air hits them, Liam huddling into Zayn’s side for warmth as his shaking fingers fumble in his pocket and pull out his pack of Marlboros. 

“Need to talk to you about something,” Zayn says quietly once the cigarette is tucked safely between his lips, fingers stroking over the collar of Liam’s jumper. Liam recognises something of panic pumping through his veins at Zayn’s tone, eyes searching the caramel pair piercing his. It’s a little distracting, what with Zayn turning his head to blow a fume of smoke away and his lips pushed into a gentle pout that Liam wants to kiss and bite, and kiss. 

“Yeah?” Liam mumbles nervously, chewing down onto his lip that’s already injured from Zayn’s teeth the night before. He feels his shoulders relax slightly as Zayn outlines Liam’s lips with his thumb, smile fond and eyes soft when Liam gently captures it between his lips and kisses it gently. 

“Yeah,” Zayn whispers as he takes another drag of his cigarette. “Some company got in touch with me, saw me blog and spoke to my past employer and all - they want me to write a couple of papers for them,” he says. “And an article every week, for some magazine they do, or something.”

Liam smiles, eyes crinkling around the edges as he wraps an arm around Zayn’s waist to keep him from shivering. “That’s great, babe.”

Zayn smiles, nodding down and pressing into Liam’s gentle touch.

“It’s crazy, yeah? They - uh - there’s a lot of travelling involved,” he says in an almost whisper, inhaling on the cigarette and waiting until the wisps of silver have blown away before continuing. “They want me to see the art first hand, I’d need to travel abroad like, I’m not sure how often.”

Liam’s silent for a moment, and it’s _incredibly_ cliché that he’s a little certain that his world might possibly crash and split right in two - until he presses a small smile to his lips and says, “You have to take it, right? I mean - this is a big thing, love. This is what you want to do.” 

“That’s the thing, yeah?” Zayn murmurs, fingers dropping the cigarette to the ground and curling around Liam’s neck, instead. A shy smile warily sits at his lips as he looks up at Liam with hooded eyes. “A couple of months ago I would have easily taken the job the minute I found out, but now — now there’s you, Li. I mean, I want to take the job, but I don’t want to have to choose between my career and you.”

Liam feels his teeth dig deep into his lip, blinking several times before he gently pushes Zayn against the brick wall behind, fingers running along Zayn’s hips to steady and calm the impact. His parted lips press to Zayn’s, tongue running over his lower lip before he licks gently into his mouth and tastes the orange tang from his previous drink pressed with the sharp taste of tobacco curled into the roof of his mouth. 

Zayn’s frowning when he pulls away, knuckles brushing over Liam’s chin as he steadies his breathing and looks at Liam with slightly narrowed eyes. “If this is your way of telling me to choose you instead of —”

“Who says you have to choose?” Liam interrupts him, voice soft and slightly scared as he curls himself into Zayn. “Why can’t you pick both of us?”

“Well, I —” Zayn deepens his frown as he mutters, “I didn’t think you’d want to keep this going if I wasn’t around much. Long distance relationships often don’t work out —”

“We can make it work?” Liam informs him quietly, a smile pressing to Zayn’s lips as he quickly kisses him. “I mean, I’m often busy with work, too. I’m not around much, either.”

“Are you sure?” Zayn asks as numb fingers press softly into the small of his back. Liam nods as his eyes softly search Zayn’s face, the moonlight washing beautifully over his skin and highlighting all the features Liam loves.

“In case you didn’t realise, I’m falling rather hard for you, mate,” he mumbles in a whisper, smile brushing over the stubble growing delicately at Zayn’s jaw. “Whatever _this_ is,” he says, gesturing between the two, “I’m not ready to give it up.”

“Good,” is the soft reply Liam gets along with lips kissing into his hair and cold fingers pressed to his spine. “I’m not ready to give you up.”

 

++

 

It’s late when Zayn’s phone buzzes, his ankles crossed and resting on the coffee table with his laptop pressed into his lap, one of Liam’s shirts hung to his body and a smile tucked to his lips when he reads the text from Liam.

_  
can u come over?_

  
Zayn replies with a simple _:)_ and saves the document he’s working on before packing the laptop into his bag and heading out the door.

It only takes ten minutes to get to Liam’s apartment and Zayn knocks on the door, smile stupidly wide as he thinks about Liam’s eyes and lips and hands and tongue and —

“It’s open!” Liam roughly yells and Zayn pushes open the door, gently shutting it behind him with a frown brushing his expression as he walks through and finds Liam boxing, knuckles red and sweat dripping easily from his forehead. 

“Hey,” Zayn mumbles softly from the doorway, biting harshly onto his lip when Liam ignores him and Zayn notices the blood trickling down the underside of Liam’s palm. “Babe,” he whispers quietly, pacing across the wooden floor across to Liam. “Where are your gloves?”

Liam snorts, launching forward for another hit as he bounces back and forth on the floor, wiping away the sweat across his forehead with his wrist.

“Don’t need gloves,” he mumbles under his breath, practically growling as Zayn wraps his arms around Liam’s waist and pulls him backwards, Liam’s back pressed to his chest as he nudges his chin into Liam’s shoulder. 

“Stop,” he whispers, fighting Liam’s struggle as he tightens his arms around Liam’s stomach and slips his fingers below the joggers Liam’s wearing, palms resting against his stomach. “Leeyum,” he murmurs against his neck, gentle lips pressing kisses to the skin as Liam’s breathing slows. 

“Babe,” Zayn tries again, fingers softly tickling along Liam’s hips in desperation to calm the boy fighting in his arms. “I’ve got you, yeah?”

Liam nods, sinking into Zayn’s chest and curling in on himself. “Makes me feel better,” he murmurs softly and gestures to the punching bag swinging slightly in front. 

“I can make you feel better, yeah?” Zayn asks, voice low and careful like Liam is glass and could break at any moment. A sigh slowly parts Liam’s lips as if he’s trying not to break himself, too, and he turns in Zayn’s arms and buries himself into the crook of Zayn’s neck. It’s silent in the apartment as Zayn slides his hands gently over every nook in Liam’s back, hips, neck, and up along to the short hair at the back of his head where he runs his fingertips carefully over the skin.

“You okay?” He breathes slowly, eyes falling shut as he clings onto every piece of Liam in a desperate need to calm him and wash away any bad thoughts. 

Liam hums softly against Zayn’s neck but shakes his head, a contradiction that Zayn wraps himself tighter around. 

“Can I. I just, I need to work out,” Liam mumbles in a gentle whisper and Zayn hears the light breath he washes against his neck when Zayn gently kisses his bare shoulder. 

“I could fuck you instead,” Zayn suggests quietly, smile low as he feels a small one pressed to his skin from Liam’s lips. ’S sort of the same thing, yeah?”

“Zayn,” Liam whimpers against his shoulder, whine deep at the back of his throat as he drags himself away from Zayn’s body and trails into the living room, a wary boy following after him.

“You, just - just sit there,” he brushes aside and gently presses Zayn to the sofa, a frown creeping to his brow and settling unwanted lines across his head as he watches Liam sink to the floor and murmur something quietly along the lines of, “Only…just a hundred, okay? I need – ” while he bends his knees and lowers to the floor. 

Zayn curls himself on the sofa, kicking off his shoes and watching the curve of Liam’s muscles every time he pushes himself up. His eyes trail along the indent of the muscles lining his stomach, practically bulging with every tiny movement and it’s wrong that it stirs interest in his cock from the mere thought of being pressed beneath those muscles, eyes watching the dangerously beautiful curve of his body every time he thrusts down and really, this boy is irrevocably bad for his health in more ways than one. His eyes wander over the scars lining Liam’s side, fading burns wrestling one side of his hip and up along his right arm, a damaged memory that encourages the seed (something along the lines of _love_ – planted somewhere in the back of his mind) to grow even stronger. Zayn wets his dry lips with his tongue, eyes sinking as he notices Liam’s blood stained hands once again, the drying red curved around each knuckle as a sign of pain and anger. 

Zayn is silently counting Liam’s sit-ups as he watches his movements and the hair folded over his forehead, several strands tucked away over his eyes causing Liam to blink every so often. When Liam stops, he crosses his legs on the floor and sits there, no expression washing his face as he stares blankly across the room at nothing in particular. 

Zayn feels the hurt lacing tightly around his heart as he watches, fingers almost shaking as he collapses himself to the floor in front of Liam, fingertips brushing across the crooks of his knees and the golden hair running along his legs. 

“Babe,” he says softly, pressing his thumb to Liam’s chin and guiding his head up to meet his, a quick kiss parting Liam’s breathless lips. It’s enough, for Zayn to see Liam’s eyes focus on his — a sad blur to them that Zayn isn’t familiar with. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Liam shakes his head, bringing his knees up to his chest like he’s trying to hide himself away. 

Zayn opens his mouth, about to speak as Liam softly cuts him off, murmurs a whispered, “Can you stay?” so quietly and sadly that Zayn feels his fingertips jolt uneasily against Liam’s skin and his breath quicken through his chapped lips.

“Yeah,” Zayn whispers, a gentle smile crossing his lips in hope to trigger one from Liam. “Of course, love… I — I’ll always stay.”

Liam lifts his head at Zayn’s words, a half smile lifting his lips ever so slightly as he looks up at Zayn with wary eyes. 

Zayn nods, hands gently picking Liam’s up as his eyes wash over the blood marked to his skin. “Let me clean you up, yeah?”

 

++

  
It’s a surprisingly comforting feeling when Zayn notices items belonging to him tucked away in Liam’s room; his shirt hanging from the chair. A couple of sketches torn from his sketchbook and pressed safely beneath Liam’s watch on the desk beside his bed. Several cigarettes hidden away on the windowsill and a pair of his joggers halfway to falling out of the chest squeezed between the wardrobe and the chair piled with clothes.

It’s a feeling of belonging that Zayn is quite certain he’s never had, and doesn’t want to is pushed away to the back of his mind when Liam walks out from the bathroom and his eyes meet with another pair, beautifully brown with secrets that he wants to know and keep. 

“What are you working on?” Liam whispers and folds himself into the bed next to Zayn, body under the covers but still pressed up against Zayn’s with his head nearly sprawled across his stomach. 

“An artist in France,” Zayn explains softly, pushing his laptop closer to Liam and drumming his fingers over the images on the screen for Liam to look at. “Francoise Nielly. I’ve been researching her for a while - her paintings ordinarily look like vibrant portraits but she paints so vividly and with so much passion and expression, and — you’re not interested, are you?”

Liam shakes his head, lips at Zayn’s stomach as he nuzzles his head closer. “I like listening to you talk about art.” 

“Really?” Zayn questions, eyebrows raised in surprise but heart thudding loudly in his chest and he wonders if Liam can hear it because _this is all for you._

Liam hums against Zayn’s side. “I like listening to you talk about things you love. Art being one of them.”

 _Are you the other?_ He thinks, a blush sprinkling his cheeks at his own thought because no, he doesn’t do this (but maybe it’s time for him to start).

“You still have these?” Zayn asks, questionably changing the subject as he takes the sketches he’d drawn and painted weeks ago, and holds them up for Liam to see.

“Yeah,” Liam simply says with a lazy smile. “I like them.”

“I’ll draw you more, then,” he whispers, and tries not to read into what the growing smile on Liam’s lips means. 

“Thank you for being here,” the boy murmurs breathlessly and Zayn closes down his laptop, pushing it aside as he wraps an arm around Liam and focuses his fingers on the birthmark pressed to Liam’s neck, a symbol of art displayed to skin. 

“S’okay. I want to be here.”

It’s quiet, the ticking of the clock from the hallway a little reminder that this is real as Zayn presses into Liam and smiles at the gentle kiss pressed to his ribs. 

“Zayn?”

“Leeyum?”

Zayn listens as Liam’s voice wavers before he speaks, how his breath jolts in his throat like he’s struggling to get his words out.

“Can you. Please just stay with me.”

“I’m here,” Zayn says, voice a whispered breath as he peers down at Liam who is still hidden under the duvet, face tucked away from Zayn’s view and although he’s right there – he feels so far away.

“Liam,” he says, legs kicking at the duvet to push it beneath him so he can wriggle under, too. Liam has his eyes closed tightly and his fingers are shaking, still marked a deep red when Zayn wraps his arms around the whimpering boy and pulls him to his chest gently. 

“I’m here, ‘kay?”

Liam nods, eyes squeezed closed and fingers gripping Zayn’s hip. 

It’s silent, after that - Liam relaxing ever so slightly as sleep guides him to comfort along with the gentle touches of Zayn’s fingertips brushing down his back. 

“I just want to save people,” Liam murmurs sleepily before soft breaths indicate sleep pulling him under. 

Zayn frowns and tries his hardest not to read into what Liam means as his lips brush across Liam’s shoulder and he  whispers a quiet, “but babe, you’ve already saved me.”

  
++

 

It’s a Thursday night when Liam texts Zayn, something along the lines of a night off alongside promises of _Batman_ and popcorn that have Zayn round Liam’s in less than twenty minutes. There’s a bottle of wine and two glasses sitting on the coffee table, several of Zayn’s research papers spread across the surface along with a scatter of pencils and a new sketch that Liam spends more time asking about than watching the film.

Zayn’s got his knees pressed up against Liam’s thigh and his head against a broad shoulder, Liam’s arm lazily curled around Zayn’s as he jots down notes into his book. Zayn’s glasses are sat across his nose, tooth chewing on his lip and hair flopping over his forehead that Liam stops him pushing up when he runs a hand through it.

“I like it like this,” he quietly explains, lips pressing to the top of his head. Zayn is mumbling something in a hushed whisper along the lines of “I like _you_ ,” but Liam is quietly quoting Bruce Wayne and misses it.

“Stop _staring_ , Leeyum,” Zayn mutters but there’s a soft smile content at his lips and a light blush brushing his cheeks as he looks up at Liam.

“You’re distracting,” Liam says quietly, fingers tickling against the curve of Zayn’s jaw and down to the nape of his neck. “I like you like this, babe –” and he doesn’t continue aloud but lets the thoughts stain his mind as Zayn grins and cranes his neck to kiss Liam gently.

“You act like _you’re_ not distracting,” Zayn says with his lips pressed to Liam’s, “I’m trying to write this damn article.”

Liam hums, toying with a strand of Zayn’s hair between his fingers. “Could think of more interesting things we could do.”

Liam nudges his knee under Zayn’s body curled to his, thigh gently pushing Zayn onto his lap and earning a muffled giggle from Zayn. He all but whimpers when Zayn sighs out something a little like _comfort_ at Liam’s hands wrapping around the back of his thighs.

“I have this _thing_ , yeah – where I suck you off while you draw me.”

Liam watches at the way Zayn’s lip is taken between his teeth, hands pushing away his notebook with fumbling fingers that reach to cup Liam’s cheeks.

“What are you doing to me, Liam Payne?” He whispers, mouth dangerously close to Liam’s lips that are craving Zayn’s skin, or perhaps other places.

“About to blow you, hopefully –?”

Zayn grins, lips curling over his teeth and Liam nudges his nose gently against Zayn’s, and it’s horribly and awfully romantic, he thinks – something you’d see in a cheesy rom-com, but Zayn is grinding his hips down onto Liam’s crotch and nothing else matters.

Liam kisses Zayn and takes the opportunity to press him to the sofa, fingers pushing up his shirt and running mindlessly over his stomach. He tugs at the hem of the t-shirt; lips briefly leaving Zayn’s as he tugs the t-shirt over Zayn’s head and tosses it behind him.

“Babe, you’re so –” Zayn murmurs and Liam cuts him off with a gentle kiss, tongue selfishly stealing another taste of Zayn’s mouth that is now so known and familiar. They kiss some more, a whispered “Don’t need compliments,” rolling Zayn’s eyes and a hushed moan brushing Zayn’s lips when Liam slips his fingertips beneath his boxers.

“Wait,” Zayn says softly, knuckles gently brushing over Liam’s jaw when he raises an eyebrow curiously.

There’s a sudden sadness washed to Zayn’s eyes that strums a chord of panic in Liam’s chest, frown furrowing his brow with a leap to Liam’s chest and –

“I’m going to France.”

It’s quiet aside from the gentle murmur of the telly still playing _The Dark Knight Rises_ , now an unheard echo as Liam hears his own breathing.

“For how long?”

“A month,” Zayn replies quietly, hand cupping Liam’s cheek with cold fingers. Liam tries to put the pieces together in his mind – though he’d be lying if he didn’t say that the only thing he focuses on is Zayn’s hair brushing cautiously close to his eyes and the glasses he’s wearing a silent reminder of one of the many, _many_ reasons Liam’s falling for this boy.

“Okay,” Liam says softly, lips perking ever so slightly as he brushes his hand over Zayn’s cock through the thin material of his boxers. Zayn whispers a moan, lips parting and Liam swears he feels himself getting hard at the very sight of Zayn’s tongue wetting his whimpering lips.

“Stop,” he mumbles, cursing quietly when Liam’s fingertips dip beneath the waistband of Zayn’s boxers and Liam smugly wraps Zayn’s cock in his hand. “Can we at least talk about this?”

Liam sighs, pushing himself to Zayn bad biting back the grin threatening to show when Zayn whimpers from the loss of contact. “You could have chosen a better time to bring this up,” he grumbles lightly.

“I had to tell you before,” Zayn mumbles, knee nudging Liam further into his lap and thighs trapping his legs between his own.

Liam laughs softly, voice teasing as he whispers a gentle _I still want your dick_ and feels Zayn’s warm skin pressed to his cheek when he nervously nuzzles his head into the crook of Zayn’s neck. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

Liam sighs, breath dangerously shaky against soft skin as he inhales the familiar scent brushing his shoulder – one he can’t bear to think stripped from his senses.

“I don’t want to think about you leaving.”

There’s a noise of discontent growled into his hair, lips moving against his hairline when Zayn quietly speaks.

“I don’t want to _go_ when you say that.”

“I want you to go,” Liam mumbles softly, “–I just don’t want you to _leave_.”

Zayn snorts quietly, lips brushing a quick kiss to Liam’s head. “What does that even _mean_?”

Liam hums, fingers dancing over Zayn’s skin.

“It means that I want you to go explore the world – _France,_ ” he softly corrects, “and I want you to find new paintings and write about them and text me silly pictures of you with famous monuments and call me telling me how much you miss me – but I also want you right here. On this fucking sofa, with me pressed into your lap and your stupid art scattered around my flat and your heart beating loudly whenever I do this,” he says, voice a shaking whisper as he lightly kisses Zayn’s lips and presses a palm over Zayn’s chest, eyes softening and lips quirking into a small smile when he feels the familiar beat speed into a faster rhythm beneath his touch.

Liam’s eyes desperately search Zayn’s face for any clues as to what he’s thinking.

“Is that silly?”

Zayn blinks, a tiny smile lazily dragging out his lips as his fingers press to warm skin. “No, ‘S not silly, you donut,” he says quietly. “Think you were lying to me when you told me you couldn’t write poetry, though.”

Liam rolls his eyes and rolls his lip between his teeth as he looks cautiously down at Zayn.

“I want you to go, babe,” he tells him. “We can deal with it, okay? _I_ can deal with it.”

“Don’t act like this won’t be hell for me, too,” Zayn mutters. “It’d be easier if you could come with me.”

Liam nods, head cocking to one side and a fond smile brushing his lips as he says a quiet, “I know – but I’ve got lives to save here.”

“Clark Kent,” Zayn says softly, grinning as he lazily wraps an arm around Liam’s waist and pulls him close against his chest, gently kissing Liam’s skin until he finally feels warm again.

 

++

 

Louis insists on throwing Zayn a leaving party and manages to persuade Jade’s parents to close the pub for one evening, and so a handful of them gather inside on a Wednesday night, the day before Zayn is set to leave.

There’s a warm buzz of chatter in the small building, Jade accompanying Niall at the snooker table and Perrie and Leigh muttering away in the corner, a smile pressed to his lips as Liam grins against Zayn’s mouth, listening to the laughter from Harry and Louis beside him but mindlessly distracted by the boy in front of him.

Liam is perched on a stool, Zayn leaning back against the bar with his arms messily tangled around Liam’s neck as the two exchange giggly kisses that have Harry scowling from further up the bar.

At ten thirty the pub door is pushed open, a chilly draft blowing through the room which has Louis swivelling on his stool and telling a firm, “We’re closed,” until he sees Eleanor walk through, eyes rolling as she pushes the door closed and strides over to the bar.

Liam smiles, a gentle laugh leaving his lips as he sees Louis’ wide eyes search Eleanor’s tall frame, mouth slightly agape as she leans in and presses a smiling kiss to Louis’ cheek.

“Nice to see you too, babe,” she teases, laughing at the confused, “What the bloody fuck are you doing here?” asked from Louis.

“ _Liam_ invited me,” she says softly, tongue clicking against the roof of her mouth as her lean arms wind around Liam’s shoulders. “I’m not here to beg for you to take me back, love, don’t worry – apparently you’re quite into a curly haired chap, from what I hear.”

Liam watches with a fond grin as Louis’ cheeks blush a deep red and Harry pokes his head around to see Eleanor, arm instinctively curling around Louis’ waist. Liam can’t help but think how utterly stupid they are – to tell everyone that they’re only fucking when everybody else, aside from themselves, can see that they’re completely gone for one another.

“It’s so good to see you,” Liam says, tucking his head on Eleanor’s shoulder and briefly leaving Zayn’s arms to wrap his own around his friend. He pulls away, lips pressed into a smile as he glances at her tall frame. “You look fantastic.”

“The perks of working in fashion, Liam,” she says with a coy smile, “is the free clothes.”

Liam doesn’t have time to reply as Jade leaps at Eleanor and the two squeal in a tight hug, gentle fingers dragging up Liam’s spine from behind as he turns and smiles softly at Zayn.

“This is my – my Zayn,” Liam quietly speaks with a nervous smile shaping his lips when Jade releases Eleanor and nips around the bar to get more drinks.

“Your Zayn,” Eleanor repeats – grin wide as she raises her eyebrows at Liam and looks across to Zayn. He’s got his fingers pressed together and is standing shyly against the bar, Liam’s fingers brushing against them in a reassuring touch. “I thought Liam might have been exaggerating on the phone but you really are very beautiful,” she mutters away and Liam’s cheeks flush, a light red against Zayn’s, too, as Eleanor laughs and presses her hands to Liam’s shoulders. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

Zayn nods, smile wide as he ducks his head to hide his pink cheeks. “And you.”

“Such a gentleman,” Eleanor quirks as she notices Zayn’s arm pressed tightly around Liam’s hip, a flicker of her smile and a raised eyebrow giving Liam a knowing look that has him blushing for the second time.

 

++

 

Liam chats with Eleanor for the majority of the evening, the two curled up alone at a table, Eleanor’s feet tucked into Liam’s lap as they discuss her career and the chap she’s been hooking up with for a couple of months and drink glass after glass of vodka and lemonade.

“I’d be more than happy to drop your fella’s name in for the modelling department,” Eleanor tells Liam with a coy smile as she catches him looking across the pub, eyes focused on Zayn talking with Niall by the pool table, a frown drawing his brow when he catches Liam’s focus.

“Hm?” Liam asks, eyes flickering back to Eleanor with a confused expression as she hides a giggle into her glass.

“He’s quite gorgeous, Li,” she smirks, biting it away with her teeth. “His cheekbones –”

“Are my favourite thing in the world,” Liam finishes in a giggled whisper, mouth covered by his hand as he laughs quietly. “He’s – yeah, he’s _mine_.”

“I can see that,” Eleanor grins, poking Liam in the stomach with her foot as she carefully runs a gentle hand through her hair.

“Go,” she says softly, a grin settling as she points to Zayn still looking across at the two cuddled at the table. Liam shakes his head, his vision blurring for a moment, until Eleanor lifts her feet from Liam’s lap and nudges him from his seat.

Liam walks across the pub, giggles falling from his lips as he trips over his feet and rather clumsily falls into Zayn, arms immediately steadying him and pressing the two together.

“Okay, babe?” Zayn asks, tucking away his frown as Liam smiles against his cheek and presses a quick kiss to his warm skin.

“Yeah,” Liam says quietly, fingers brushing over the collar of Zayn’s shirt. “I might have had one too many drinks, but who’s counting?”

Zayn smiles, soft around the edges and Liam wants to look at him forever.

“Obviously not you, babe,” he says softly, fingers pressing up against his neck that Liam rather embarrassingly shies into. “Is there a reason you came over, or did you just want to see me?”

“Yeah, Payno – you’re interrupting our game,” Niall says with a quirked grin, nudging Liam’s hip with the snooker cue as he chalks up the tip and leans over to pot another ball.

Liam flips him off and smiles against Zayn’s skin, laughter from his side and a frown slipping to his expression as he whispers a mumbled, “You’re being frowny, babe.”

“I’m being _what_?” Zayn asks, amusement rolling over his lips as he grips Liam’s hip with his fingers and pulls him closer so that the two are pressed together.

“You’re being – you keep frowning, Zayn,” he mutters, steadying himself up against Zayn’s body. “You keep frowning whenever I look at you.”

“Oh, I --”

“What’s up?”

Liam’s eyes flicker up to meet Zayn’s, a questioning frown painting his expression as Zayn smiles softly and butterflies hum something along the lines of love against the lining of his stomach.

“It’s nothing,” Zayn sighs and Liam tries to concentrate on his voice rather than Zayn’s parting lips and how pink they look in this light – “It’s just, uh, she’s very pretty, isn’t she?”

Liam watches Zayn’s eyes flicker across the pub and to Eleanor laughing with Andy. He nods, tongue swiping over his lip as he is distracted by the strand of hair neatly settled to Zayn’s forehead and his eyelashes fluttering beautifully under the hushed light.

“She’s gorgeous, yeah. Always has been –”

Liam grins at the soft _Leeyum_ whined from Zayn’s lips, a noise of discontent following at which Liam brushes his fingers below Zayn’s jaw.

“Oh – _Oh_ ,” he mumbles, biting back the smug smile threatening to break. “You’re jealous.”

“No,” Zayn mutters in a low grumble, breath warm as it washes against Liam’s lips. “No, I just. You’re all over, s’all.”

“I’m all over you, you donut,” Liam whispers, smile soft as he nudges his nose against Zayn’s. “Like – quite literally, babe. Wouldn’t mind bending you over this table and –”

“You two are gross,” Niall snaps with crinkled eyes from across the pool table, laughing as Josh rolls his eyes and takes the cue from Niall’s hands. “Take it outside.”

Liam giggles quietly into Zayn’s cheek, kissing the flushed skin beneath his touch. _France_ follows his every thought but Zayn pulls his arms around broad shoulders and buries his head into Liam’s shoulder like he knows.

“Seriously, though,” Liam whispers against Zayn’s neck, lips dangerously close to his ear so that Niall cannot eavesdrop and Zayn can hide his blush – “Tomorrow, I’m going to fuck you on every surface of your flat, love.”

“Don’t do that,” Zayn whines, voice a quiet whimper as he looks up at Liam with a lazy smile passing his lips. “Not here.”

“Outside?” Liam suggests, eyes crinkling around the edges as Zayn mutters a quiet, _you’re unbelievable_ but bunches Liam’s shirt in his hands and pulls him impossibly closer (and Liam, thoughts drunk on Zayn’s eyes and his cheeks and his lips, thinks it feels a little bit like love).

He tastes the numb feeling – the adjective somewhere running along parallels of beautiful and sweet – when there’s a hoarse laugh caught in Zayn’s throat that Liam presses his mouth over.

His eyes flutter shut and it’s just the two of them, lips smiling as Zayn’s hands anchor Liam’s waist and grip to the threads of his shirt.

Liam pulls away when a sharp spark of light breaks them, Eleanor giggling behind her phone and Zayn uncomfortably clinging to Liam, shying away from the camera and ducking behind Liam’s shoulder.

“El,” Liam huffs, grip protectively tightening on Zayn’s skin as he shields another photo being taken.

“Sorry, love, I need one to send to Danielle.”

Liam’s head snaps up and he splutters a little. “You can’t send that to – why do you even have her _number_?” He all but hisses, mind breathlessly dizzy as Zayn peers up at Liam and squeezes an arm around his waist.

“Not your Danielle,” Eleanor shakes her head, a soft smile painting her red lips as she types away at her phone and tucks it into her back pocket. “My flatmate, Liam. She reads Zayn’s blog, actually.”

Liam breathes, lip caught between teeth as he nods and flushes under the dimmed light. His chest is tight and he reassures himself with quick breaths because he can’t panic.

“Okay?” Zayn asks, confusion clearly spread to his face as he looks up at Liam with a shy smile painting his lips.

“Yeah,” Liam says and tucks himself into Zayn’s body. He breathes unsteadily, a choked breath coughed from his tight lips as his eyes flash to Zayn’s. “Do you have a pack?”

 

++

 

The warm buzz from inside the pub fades out as they settle into an old bench in the centre of the garden, the small plot of land stained with memories of Liam’s past.

Zayn grips Liam’s hand tightly and it sounds a lot like _I love you_ but Liam thinks he’s too drunk on vodka and fatigue and Zayn to believe it.

 Liam closes his eyes and presses into Zayn’s coat as he mumbles a soft, “You don’t have to tell me, I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“’m fine,” Liam says quietly, voice a nimble whisper that gets washed away by the whistle of wind brushing past them.

Zayn nods, watching with careful eyes as Liam dips his hand into Zayn’s pocket and pulls out his pack of cigarettes. Slender fingers place one between his teeth, a lighter sparking the end as a tiny source of light in the midst of dark.

“You say that a lot,” Zayn reasons, voice a gentle croak as he tastes the smoke upon his tongue.

Liam smiles, eyes closing with his head settled firmly against Zayn’s chest. “’S better than not being fine, right?”

“You know you can tell me,” Zayn whispers and tries to bite back the hurt laced to his voice. Liam hisses against the cigarette his lips are moulded around and shrugs his body against Zayn’s.

“I watch you carry yourself around,” he says softly, caution lowering his voice as he speaks against Liam’s ear. “You smile and people see that, I think. And, you. I sometimes see the way you look at yourself, y’know? Maybe not physically, but. You question yourself.”

“It’s silly,” Liam laughs, lips hollowing as he breathes a breath of smoke and shakily places his hand onto the icy wood. “It doesn’t mean much, I don’t think.”

Zayn nods, several kisses brushing over Liam’s hairline as he hugs him closer.

“Is it, does it have something to do with Danielle?”

Liam laughs again, cold and unresponsive as he brings the cigarette to his lips.

“It’s _stupid_ , Zayn.”

“I’m guessing she’s your – ”

“ – ex girlfriend,” Liam finishes and Zayn pushes away the stir of anxiety and jealousy writhing in his stomach.

“Do you still love her?” He asks, eyes brushing closed with a silent hope running through his mind that unsettles him.

“No,” Liam chokes, a breathless laugh tumbling from his lips. “ _No_.”

Zayn lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, fingers gentle against cold skin as his lips brush over Liam’s hairline and he whispers a cautious, “What happened?”

Liam laughs again, the sound cold and harsh as he takes another drag of the cigarette and it’s so different to the Liam Zayn knows.

“She broke me,” he says, smile wide but there’s hurt laced to the expression that Zayn sees and wonders how many others don’t. “She took my fears and threw them in my face. I caught her at home with some other guy in my bed…s’silly, yeah? Like, it happens to loads of people. Cheating isn’t a big deal, right?”

Zayn shakes his head, tightens his grip around Liam through protection and an assurance of safety.

“She, just. That was it, I guess. It shattered my confidence, like, completely. I don’t – I had to learn how to _trust_ again. I don’t know, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud.”

“It’s not - you’re not stupid,” Zayn says quietly, slowly dragging his fingertips across Liam’s jaw. “I think you’re brave.”

Liam snorts, lips wrapped carefully around the cigarette that burns a warm orange.

“M'not, I just. I don’t _date_ ,” he mutters.

Zayn listens to the tightness of Liam’s chest as he breathes, lips moving in time with each breath against his forehead.

“But you, you’re messing it all up for me,” Liam says softly. “In the best way possible,” he adds. “ – I feel safe with you.”

“You know I’d never go behind your back,” Zayn tells him quietly, fingernails scratching gently along Liam’s scalp as he shivers into the cold. “I’m not, that’s not me.”

Liam nods and gently kisses Zayn’s palm. “What about you?”

Zayn shrugs and nudges his fingers against Liam’s to take the cigarette. Liam watches with a hitched breath as Zayn sucks in a blanket of smoke and releases a cloud of tension.

“My parents split up when I was fourteen and I didn’t like seeing me mum so sad, I guess,” he says, voice almost lost in the wind’s whispers.

“’S easier without all this,” Liam mutters as Zayn passes the cigarette back to him. “Doesn’t mean it’s better, though.”

Zayn nods, lips gentle as he smiles into Liam’s hair.

“You’re quite clever, babe,” he says and can only just make out the roll of Liam’s eyes in the darkness.

 He snorts, shaking his head when Zayn’s hand pinches lightly at his skin.

“I think you are,” Zayn whispers, and wonders if the thud in his chest should be this loud. “I think you’re wonderful.”

“Yeah?” Liam asks, craning his neck to look up at Zayn. He’s smiling, eyes crinkled around the edges as Zayn presses a breathless kiss to Liam’s lips. He tastes of smoke and vodka and Zayn is falling way too fast.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, grin pressed to a soft mouth as Louis calls out from behind them.

“Alright, lovebirds,” he yells from the door, “sorry to interrupt – and Harry would kill me for breaking your moment, but we’re going to play a very intense game of twister and Jade’s insisting you join.”

“We’ll be there in a minute,” Zayn laughs, eyes not leaving Liam’s smile as he flips Louis off and huddles closer to Zayn.

“Make that two,” he whispers, nose wrinkling as he stabs out the end of the cigarette and crawls his fingers along Zayn’s neck, palms pressed to his jaw as he smiles a kiss into Zayn’s mouth.

 

++

 

It’s not so much the feeling of sadness but the unsteady lapse of guilt clinging to every nerve as Liam waits in the doorway in front of a pile of carefully packed luggage, a pout evenly pressed to his lips.

Zayn sighs, fingertips digging into his hips as he looks nervously across to Liam, teeth tugging dangerously hard at his lip.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he stiffly says, nudging his toe against the suitcase that seems like it might burst open at any awaiting second.

(Zayn, innocently, thinks the reference is similar to how his heart feels right now, beat strong and fast in his chest with a soft fondness of Liam laced to every valve and a knowing of not feeling soft skin for weeks - )

Liam looks up, eyes finally meeting Zayn’s in a soft yet confused look that encourages Zayn’s muscles to lurch forward and an embrace to wrap around his body.

“How am I supposed to look at you?” He mumbles with a huff.

“Just – ” Zayn murmurs, breath hot against Liam’s neck as fingers climb against the back of his shirt and to the gentle bristles of short hair tucked away at the back of his head. “Don’t look at me like I’m leaving.”

Zayn hears the quiet _but you are_ slipping from Liam’s lips and answers with a gentle kiss pressed to his forehead.

“Can we, d’you think we could –”

“Shag until you leave?” Liam murmurs into Zayn’s hair, grin tight as a laugh is pressed into his neck.

“Yeah, I think we could.”

“Good,” Zayn breathes airily, lips against Liam’s jaw as he carefully kisses his way to Liam’s mouth in gentle paces. “I want you – I want everything slow, babe,” he mutters quietly, hotly against Liam’s mouth. “I want to feel you everywhere.”

The noise Liam makes far back in his throat is a little embarrassing and his cheeks would be inconsiderably pink if Zayn’s lips weren’t kissing his, gentle and kind and soft as both hands are wrapped around Zayn’s neck and fingers are rubbed slowly against skin. Zayn grins, brilliantly, and pulls Liam closer, fingers hooking over the collar of Liam’s shirt and tugging him backwards, feet tripping over bags as they go.

They kiss messily; gentle giggles pressed to each other’s mouths as Liam hoists Zayn’s legs around his waist and presses him against the back of the door.

(It’s awfully cliché but Liam thinks they’re far enough past clichés for it to matter, and Zayn licks over the birthmark pressed to his neck - )

“Sounds silly,” Zayn whispers in a murmur close to Liam’s neck, voice rough but also so smooth up against Liam’s skin. “ – but I’m going to miss this,” he mutters with lips kissing slowly over Liam’s birthmark, Liam’s eyes fluttering closed while fingers tighten around the back of Zayn’s head.

“’S prettier than any of the art I write about.”

“Baby,” Liam whispers, biting back the moan pressed so lightly to the tip of his tongue – and instead kisses gentle lips.

He frowns when Zayn pulls away, mouths still touching as soft eyes trace over Liam’s skin in the dark light.

“I’ve never heard that one before,” Zayn says quietly, nose nudging against Liam’s with a soft smile wickedly pressed to his lips and _god_ , Liam is so fond of Zayn and everything that comes with him.

Liam hums, glad for the shadows enveloping them and the window gesturing a kaleidoscope of colours against the curtains, still dark enough to hide the flicker of pink running along his cheeks.

“’m going to mark you up,” he whispers quietly, voice hot against the shell of Zayn’s ear as Liam sits on the bed and drags Zayn into his lap with his ankles.

Zayn’s lips part breathlessly and his eyes flutter closed, Liam smiling softly as he runs his thumb along Zayn’s lip, pressing into his mouth and against his tongue with a soft grin.

“Don’t want anybody thinking they can have you while you’re away from me,” Liam says quietly, nervously biting onto his lip when Zayn’s eyes flutter open and he reaches closer.

“Liam,” he mutters with a hesitant frown, eyes tracing Liam’s as he presses himself further into Liam’s lap. Liam shakes his head and tries to draw back the nervous smile biting at his lips.

“We’ve discussed this, you know I would never - ”

“ - I know,” Liam mumbles, smiling as his fingers move against Zayn’s spine. “I still think about it, though.”

“ _Leeyum_ ,” he says, voice a flicker of a whisper between parted lips that Liam wants to bruise. “You’re going to be the only thing I think about when I’m gone.”

“’S nice,” Liam teases, smile bright as his heart thuds rather dramatically inside his chest. Zayn hisses quietly as he dips his hands below the waistband of Zayn’s jeans and splays his palms over warm skin. “’S a bit silly,” he mutters between soft kisses and Zayn licking into his mouth. “But, I worry. Y’know, about you not being around.”

“’S not silly, you donut,” Zayn shakes his head and nudges his nose against Liam’s. “D’you realise how much I worry every day during your shift, that you won’t come home to me?”

Liam nods, lip catching between his teeth as he bites back the _I’ll always come home to you_ sat effortlessly upon his tongue.

“I’m quite fond of you, y’know,” he instead mutters, lips gentle as they travel across light skin and smeared ink. “And you’re leaving this here, by the way,” he whispers while lifting Zayn’s shirt above his head.

Zayn’s eyes flutter closed as Liam whispers words of _please stay_ along his collarbone, tongue pressing quietly to the line of ink stained to skin.

“It’s my favourite, though,” he teases softly with a flicker of a grin that Liam covers with his mouth and licks away the smug expression hinting at his lips.

“Thought I was your favourite,” he mumbles with wet lips, a silent drum inside his chest as he curls his fingers into the back of Zayn’s hair and listens to _you will be if you let me get on my knees, daddy_ spilling beautifully from Zayn’s breathless lips.

“C’mere,” Liam gasps with numb fingers, lips pressed to Zayn’s jaw and down to his neck with teeth grazing across flushed skin.

They strip of the rest of their clothing while still kissing. There’s a lack of skill and it’s clumsy and messy but Liam wouldn’t have it any other way as a lazy hand pulls at Zayn’s dick and an obscene moan spills from his lips.

Liam grins at hushed mentions of _jaan_ catching Zayn’s lips, a whimper as Liam traces the rim of his hole with his thumb.

Zayn gasps, dragging out another lazy kiss before reluctantly leaving Liam’s lap to shuffle around the room for lube.

“Come back,” Liam murmurs with a smile, legs spread and his back pressed against the headboard.

Zayn sharply exhales when he turns and Liam is stroking his dick lazily with dark eyes watching over him. He presses himself back into Liam’s lap, fingers reaching to take off his glasses before Liam bats away his hands and wraps his fingers around Zayn’s instead.

“Don’t,” Liam says, fingertips crawling across Zayn’s hips and over the ink coating his stomach. “You know I like them.”

Zayn has no time to respond as a strangled sound catches in his throat, Liam’s fingers pressing lightly to his hole. He coats them with lube as Zayn watches quietly, dick hard at his stomach as he reaches for Liam’s shirt with a needy tug.

“Why are you still wearing this?” He comments, sliding the unbuttoned Oxford from his shoulders and pressing feathery kisses to the dark scars marking Liam’s side.

He gasps as Liam presses slick fingers to his hole, shamelessly grinding down into Liam’s lap as he grins and peppers several kisses to Zayn’s jaw. Liam groans as Zayn’s eyelashes flutter closed and he tenses around Liam’s fingers, a soft moan muttered form parted lips as Liam tightens a hand around his dick.

“You look incredible,” Liam mutters under his breath and he knows that Zayn hears when he ruts his hips down again and shoots a breathless smile towards him.

“’m gonna come just watching you,” he moans, kissing at Zayn’s jaw with closed eyes and biting down gently into his neck as Zayn drags out a low whine.

Liam licks at Zayn’s lips and smiles as he kisses again, lazy and tender.

“More?” He asks, a smirk tucked away at his lips as Zayn’s fingers pinch harshly at his waist and he bites down onto his lip with a sharp nod.

It’s worth it for the smile that Zayn flashes when Liam spreads the lube across another finger, a breathless hum at his ear as he pushes in another and steadies Zayn’s hips with his hand.

“’M gonna miss this so much,” Zayn whispers, voice hot in Liam’s ear but there’s a soft, sad tone implied as he gently kisses Liam’s temple.

“Me fingering you?” Liam teases, pushing up in a hard gesture as Zayn whines and grinds down onto his fingers.

“All of you,” he corrects, wrapping his fingers around Liam’s cock and grinning at the sharp intake of breath on Liam’s behalf. “Your lips and your smile and the stupid crinkles by your eyes.”

Liam frowns, a whine at his lips as he pulls Zayn closer to his chest and teases his fingertips around the rim of Zayn’s hole.

“Hey,” he mutters but cannot draw back the soft smile as Zayn kisses him. “’M gonna miss you reading about art and literature and me pretending I know what it means.”

“Sh,” Zayn mumbles, lips tracing Liam’s as he swallows a moan. “I’ll call you when you’re off shift and read to you, babe.”

“’Kay,” Liam settles, withdrawing his fingers and smiling at the low whine Zayn groans.

“Want you,” he mutters and curls his fingers into the back of Zayn’s hair, a soft grin as Zayn’s eyes flutter closed at his touch and he instinctively gravitates closer towards him. “D’you think you’re ready?”

“Always ready for you,” Zayn says, pecking Liam’s lips before lowering himself and kissing the head of Liam’s dick.

“Fuck,” Liam curses, toes curling against the sheets as Zayn swallows a trail of saliva up the underside of his cock. “M’gonna miss your cheesy lines.”

“You love them,” Zayn reminds him with a flicker of a smile before sucking gently, cheeks hollowing and eyes flashing up to Liam’s as fingertips run over the indent of his cheekbones.

He shakes his head, a stutter of a moan as he whimpers, “Babe, _later_ – really need you around my dick, love,” and Zayn slides off of his cock with a subtle moan.

Liam reassures him quickly with a gentle kiss, tongue stroking against Zayn’s as he pinches at his hips and grinds up onto Zayn’s dick.

“Wanna be underneath,” he mutters quietly, eyes flashing up to Liam’s with a questioning look that Liam kisses away with his lips. “Wanna feel you touching me everywhere.”

Liam whimpers a little, lips brushing eagerly at Zayn’s as they messily change positions, a giggle muffled by skin when Zayn pulls Liam down with arms wrapped around his middle.

“Gonna miss you,” Liam mutters quietly, thumbs pressed to Zayn’s jaw with his mouth hovering ever so closely to Zayn’s.

Zayn sighs and wriggles underneath Liam, fingers tugging at his chin so that his lips brush Liam’s when he smiles a soft _stop reminding me, you prick_ and licks deeper into Liam’s mouth. Zayn wraps a hand around Liam’s cock, fingers gentle as they earn a muffled moan from Liam’s parted lips.

“Babe,” Liam mutters effortlessly as he thrusts into Zayn, so gentle and _slow_ and Zayn presses his hands to Liam’s skin, one around the back of Liam’s bicep and the other against his fingers, a messy tangle of limbs scrunched up against the sheets.

They’re nothing but sweaty bodies, hushed giggles with exchanges of moans as Liam lets his cock push against Zayn’s prostate with a need to satisfy the boy he’s fallen so hard for.

“Leeyum,” Zayn gasps, fingers squeezing his own with tense muscles beneath Liam’s chest and crinkles pressed to his eyes as he whispers a mewling kiss to breathless lips. Zayn is tense, several soft kisses running over his skin and a tongue flicking over his Adam’s apple which Liam knows will make him laugh.

Liam’s fingers brush over Zayn’s cock, the lube messy on his fingers as he rocks into Zayn with an answer of quiet moans rushed against his lips.

“Fucking – shit, babe,” Zayn presses to Liam’s mouth, a soft peck as Liam grunts under his breath and wraps an arm beneath Zayn, their chests pressing together and it’s so _intimate_ \- and Liam doesn’t have time to think about the feeling and how close he is to Zayn before he is coming, cock pulsing deep in Zayn with a hurried tangle of moans sliding from his tongue.

“Leeyum,” he gasps again, a smile at Liam’s lips as his body tenses and his come spills over Liam’s stomach, a breathless laugh pressing a messy kiss to his jaw.

Liam cautiously collapses onto Zayn’s chest, a steady rhythm of heavy breathing into his neck with fingers pressed to stained ink as he mutters a whispered _I’m going to miss you so much_ into his hair.

It’s silence and smiles as Liam cleans the two with a scrunched up sheet, tossing it aside before humming lazily and curling himself around Zayn, his fingers running along the dark tattoos marking Zayn’s chest and down along his hips.

Zayn thinks Liam is on the verge of sleep, breaths familiar and steady against his shoulder, until a sleepy voice tugs him from various thoughts.

“You’ll call me whenever you can, won’t you?” He asks, a smile pressed to his skin. His voice is delicate and sad, and Zayn brushes his fingers over Liam’s chest as a sign of comfort, a soft knowing of the fear that clouds Liam’s mind.

“I’ll call you every day,” Zayn mutters, closing his eyes and focusing on the way Liam’s toes are tucked up against his ankles, and the way his fingertips run soothing shapes over his skin.

“Don’t wanna be needy,” Liam says, ducking his head to lower a kiss to Zayn’s chest before tugging the duvet further over his shoulders.

Zayn hums, shaking his head into the pillow as he presses a kiss into Liam’s hair.

 “I know we don’t have labels,” Liam says softly, his fingers lining the black heart bold on Zayn’s hip, “but I spoke about you on the phone with my sister earlier and s’ _nice_ , I don’t know. Like, she was happy – I think. I don’t know what it all means, but you’re the first person I’ve spoken to them about since Danielle.”

Zayn is silent, unsure of how to word his answer and so instead mutters a warm _you mean a bloody lot to me_ into Liam’s neck and gently pulls him in for a kiss, and for a split second everything feels like it’s going to be okay.

 

++

 

With Zayn gone, Liam focuses his mind on work and nothing else, working through double shifts until he is sent home to rest after a week of sleepless nights and bags under his eyes that seem to swallow the colour in his face.

Niall and Jade spend their Friday night on Liam’s sofa, _Ben and Jerry’s_ shoved into their laps with cups of tea that Liam feels uncomfortable making without Zayn’s two sweeteners and a hint of honey. 

Images of Zayn and love continuously cloud his mind when he flicks through the stack of Zayn’s oil paintings collected under his morning mug of coffee, though the taste isn’t the same and Liam misses sharing the flavour with Zayn’s tongue, lips pressed to his with a light stubble brushing his jaw.

“That’s it,” Louis tells him when he’s hosing down a truck, Liam cross-legged on the floor with one of the firehouse’ dogs curled rather heavily in his lap.

“We’re all sick to absolute fucking death of your pining.”

Liam scoffs, a frown creasing his brow as he tickles the dog’s neck, looking up to Louis with confused eyes and biting back the laugh when Jade calls “ _I find it quite cute, actually_ ” from around the back of the truck.

“We’re going out tomorrow night, all of us,” Louis informs while Harry appears round the side of the truck and tosses a coke into Liam’s awaiting hands. “I talked Paul into giving us a night off, and we are going to get absolutely fucking smashed.”

Liam rolls his eyes, a sigh enveloping his lips as Harry kisses Louis’ cheek and laughs a quiet, “Nice wording, babe.”

“Fine,” he mutters with a smile, Jade settling into his lap with a grin against his cheek and a knowing smile as Liam’s phone buzzes and _Zayn_ flashes across the screen. Liam’s heart jumps rather dramatically inside his chest at the _I hope you’re saving lots of lives for me – I miss you x_ and it’s rather fitting with the alarms sounding above and everybody springing into action.

Liam has half a second to type back a quick _miss u more than anything zaynie ):_ as he climbs into the truck and flips on the siren, a familiar wail above as he grins at Jade and straps himself in with Harry beside him.

“Fire on 2 West Heath,” Louis yells from the front, pausing to speak directions to Josh in the driver’s seat. “There’s a spread across four flats, estimated seven trapped inside.”

Niall nudges Liam’s side, a soft smile at his lips as he elbows him in the rib and tightens the helmet clasped around his jaw.

“You ready, Payno?”

Liam raises his eyebrows, securing the jacket wrapped around his chest. He wraps an arm around Niall’s shoulders, tapping their helmets together with a knowing smile.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he says and puts on the gloves Jade passes to him. “Let’s save some lives.”

 

++

 

Liam finds himself relieved to be going out, the thought of alcohol and drinking away his sorrows particularly favourable in his mind for the evening.

“There’s a rather gorgeous blonde giving one of you the eye,” Louis grins at Niall and Liam with Harry tucked up against his side as he sips at his Bacardi and coke. “I think it’s Payno but Haz’s got money on Nialler.”

Liam laughs, teeth tugging at his lip as he elbows Niall in the side and gestures to the woman sneaking glances at them from across the bar.

“S’me, of course,” Niall mutters with a wide smile, eyebrows waggling as he downs another shot and grimaces at the taste. “Me over Payno any day.”

“S’only because Liam is _taken_ , Niall,” Louis reminds him and Liam hits his shoulder with crinkled eyes.

“Shut up,” Niall snaps with a grin, eyes rolling as he passes Liam another shot. “D’you think I should go over?”

“Only if you promise to use none of your shit pickup lines,” Harry giggles into his glass, cheeks flushed a pretty pink as Louis presses a quick kiss to his head.

“Haz’s right,” Liam mumbles, leaning back against the bar with a soft smile grinning at Niall. “They’re pretty shit.”

Niall scoffs, flipping all three of them off as he straightens his shirt and sips another gulp of his drink.

“We’ll see,” he mumbles, kissing Liam’s cheek before he dips off across the club and the crowd swallows him up.

He watches as Jade reappears with Perrie, both giggling as they talk with Louis about a guy they’ve been dancing with. Liam smiles, his heart loud and hammering in his chest and his vision a little blurry from the alcohol but he’s happy to be here with his best mates.

He tries not to think of Zayn but the boy’s soft smile and knowing eyes slips his mind and he pulls his phone from his back pocket, fingers typing away slowly as he tries to spell correctly.

 _i’m drunk but ur the only thing i can think about???_ He sends before ordering another round of shots and turning back to his mates with a grin spread easily across his lips. Liam dances through the rest of the night, Niall tight by his side as they drink and laugh more, Zayn hardly passing his mind apart for the sudden moments of sadness when he realises he never received another text.

They all crash at Liam’s that night, Jade curled up to his side with Harry, Louis and Niall sprawled across the sofa and floor and Liam smiles with crinkled eyes when the last thing he sees is _Hope you’re having fun, make sure you get home safely xx_

 

++

 

Liam spends his weekend working out and watching reruns of _Spongebob_ , fighting off a headache with aspirin and ignoring the tightness of his chest like it usually is before he panics.

He jolts awake at half three, his heart an unsteady thud in his chest as he runs his hands through the dishevelled pile of hair on top of his head with shaking fingers.

He gasps for breath but struggles, his lips pushing out sharp exhales as his lungs desperately grasp for air. There’s an unwanted hole swallowing his chest, a tingling around his eyes as he gasps and reaches for his phone, muscles constricting and tightening in the darkness of the room.

“Shit,” he whimpers, breath a low and numb whisper, and grabs his phone before dragging himself to the bathroom. His eyes blink at his distraught reflection, tears pressing to his cheeks and eyes red and bloodshot.

“Leeymo!” Louis says brightly into the phone when Liam holds the device to his ear, hands trembling as he slips to the floor and hugs his knees to his chest. “What are you doing calling at four in the morning, mate?”

“Lou,” he whimpers pathetically, chest tight and it feels like he’s falling.

“I’m panicking,” he mumbles as best he can, unsure of whether Louis can hear his shaking voice through the phone.

“Shit, Li -”

“I’m sorry,” he cries, biting at his lip to try and steady the trembling of his mouth.

He closes his eyes and tries not to feel like everything is falling apart.

“Don’t be sorry, babe,” Louis says quietly through the phone. “I’m on shift now but I’m going to send Harry over, okay?”

Liam nods, eyes stinging from salty tears that don’t seem to stop as he tastes blood upon his tongue from his broken lip.

“He’ll be there soon, Liam. Yeah?”

“Okay,” he whispers, voice catching on his hurried breath as he squeezes sharp bruises into his thigh. “Don’t go.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m not going anywhere,” Louis says, voice soft as he calmly speaks to Liam. “Breathe, okay? Harry will be over soon.”

Liam nods again, partly to Louis but mostly for the reassurance himself. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to push back the thoughts of embarrassment struggling to break to the front of his mind.

“Okay?” Louis asks after several moments of silence.

“Yeah, I’m. I don’t know,” Liam admits quietly, swallowing for air that his lungs won’t take.

“Remember that time Niall fell into the river?” Louis presses softly, and Liam smiles through cracked lips at the memory. “And Harry jumped into save him, but you ended up having to save them both?”

Liam laughs, shaky and breathless as he grips the edge of the bathtub until his knuckles are painted white.

“Do you remember, Li?”

“Yeah,” he whispers shakily and gasps for another breath, frustratedly brushing the tears away from his flushed cheeks.

“Harry took his clothes off because he thought it would weigh them down less.”

“Idiot -”

“ _My_ idiot, Liam. Like Zayn is yours, yeah?”

Soft eyes and sharp cheekbones paint Liam’s mind at Louis’ quiet words, an ache in his chest that is painfully comforting in an unusual way.

Frantic knocking breaks his thoughts and he heaves himself from the floor, each step a struggle as he shakes his head and mumbles shaky words to Louis down the phone. The moment he’s opened the door Harry’s fingers tangle around his, closing the door behind him and pulling him into the kitchen.

“Babe,” he softly whispers, gentle eyes washing over Liam’s face with a hint of worry that he’s learned to lace with comfort as he peels the phone from Liam’s ear and mutters a few words to Louis before placing the device on the counter.

“Focus on my breathing, yeah?” He requests, fingers pressing Liam’s trembling ones gently against his legs. He pulls up another chair and sits opposite Liam, smiling when Liam’s eyes focus on his lips.

“Slowly, okay?” He says and runs soothing fingertips across Liam’s hands.

He squeezes his eyes shut, caving in on himself and huddling into a ball on the chair.

“Liam,” Harry speaks softly and it feels a little bit like comfort.

“Make it stop,” he weakly whispers.

“I need you to try for me, babe,” Harry replies and Liam watches from behind his hands at Harry pressing his phone to his ear.

“Breathe, Liam. Okay? - Hey,” he says quickly into the phone, careful eyes watching Liam.

“I, Liam’s having a panic attack,” he states, nodding reassuringly as Liam’s eyes widen and he hears Zayn’s voice on the other end.

“No!” He whispers, pressing himself from the chair and wincing as the chair legs squeak across the floor. “No,” he mutters between ragged breaths, head shaking furiously as he blinks at Harry from behind tears that threaten to spill.

“I don’t want, _no_.”

“Okay, okay,” Harry sighs softly. “I’ll call you later, I need to go.”

Liam lets out a shaky breath, hands falling to his sides when Harry returns the phone to his pocket.

“I was. I thought you might want - ”

Liam shakes his head, lip sinking into his lip until blood presses to the surface.

“I can’t, he doesn’t know,” he says quietly, eyes flickering away from Harry’s as a sigh parts his lips.

“S’okay,” Harry whispers and closes the distance between them, long arms curling around Liam’s back. “You, better than anybody else, know these don’t last, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Liam replies nervously, breathes a little slower as he tucks his head into Harry’s neck and ignores the subconscious thought that he wishes it was Zayn.

 

++

 

In a twisted way it’s a little comforting when Liam is curled on the sofa, blanket wrapped around his shoulders with a sleepy Harry pressed into the armchair, nine missed calls and four texts from Zayn constantly lighting up Liam’s phone.

“I think you should call him,” Harry tells him, a small smile shaping his lips as he looks across to Liam with wary eyes. “He’ll be worried about you.”

Liam stays quiet, lips unable to process any of the words rather unsettlingly floating in his mind and so instead responds with a quiet, “I had a dream. That’s why - that’s what made me panic.”

Harry sighs, folding over the page of the book he’s reading and placing it on the floor, tucking his knees up to his chest in the chair.

“I thought they’d stopped,” he says softly, eyes glancing to Liam’s ringing phone that he immediately cuts off.

“They had,” Liam sighs, biting back the guilt for keeping Harry up at five a.m, a sympathetic smile pressed to his lips that Harry easily reads.

“I, it was different though. I came home to Zayn. He was…well, he was with her.”

A frown easily slips across Harry’s expression, lines painting his forehead as he swipes his tongue over his lips.

“Harry?” Liam asks in a quiet whisper, pressing his hands against his knees to stop the shaking.

“I think. I think I love him.”

Harry smiles, face gentle as he pushes the cushion from his lap and edges around the coffee table, falling back onto the sofa beside Liam and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“I think you do, too,” he says quietly, curls brushing across Liam’s cheek as he presses a swift kiss to his forehead. “I think you have for a while.”

“You knew?” Liam questions, eyebrows arched questioningly as he nudges his body into Harry’s side, thumbs ending another call from Zayn.

“We all did, you idiot,” Harry breathes, a smile at his lips as he looks towards Liam. “We all think he loves you too, Li.”

Liam shakes his head, scratching his nails against Harry’s scalp and it feels comforting being so close to somebody.

“I don’t know,” he whispers. “We don’t date people...we don’t _do_ that.”

Harry shakes his head fondly, pulling the blanket draped around Liam up to his chin.

“But you love him,” he reminds softly. “And there might be an exception where he loves you, too.”

“I’m scared,” Liam admits, voice a mutter as his mind tugs on the uncomfortable thought of vulnerability. “What should I do?”

“I think you should start by calling him,” Harry suggests, taking Liam’s phone from the sofa and bringing up Zayn’s contact. “He’s probably freaking out over my not so great decision to call him.”

Liam nods, a quiet laugh rumbling his chest as he takes the phone with shaking hands and hovers his thumb over the call button.

Harry gives Liam’s shoulders a quick squeeze and slips from the sofa, a knowing smile tucked to his lips as he gives Liam a reassuring nod and mutters a quick, “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

Liam chews down on his lip, tapping at the phone and pressing it to his ear, a short ring before he hears Zayn’s voice.

 

++

 

Liam spends his last night off before Christmas helping Jade and her parents in the pub, a distraction from sharp cheekbones and soft eyelashes as he chats away with the men at the bar and laughs over Jade’s song choices as she dances carelessly around the building.

Jade’s mum snaps at her with a fond smile, slapping at her hip with a tea towel as Liam laughs into his beer and pours out another for Jade.

Harry joins them at nine, a pout pressed to his lips as he huffs himself down onto a bar stool with slouched shoulders and a mumble of something to do with fighting with Louis that Liam kisses his cheek at and reassures him that it’s nothing to worry about and something Lou will get over. Half an hour later, Harry is giggling a muffled laugh into his hands, elbows at the bar as he sings along badly with Jade to The Beatles, Liam encouraging water down him to help the hangover tomorrow morning.

“S’okay, isn’t it?” Harry asks, voice a little slurred from the Malibu and orange juice. “Couples have fights, yeah? We’re okay?”

Liam nods, a small smile comforting the boy as he curls an arm around his waist and tugs him into his side. Harry smiles against his neck, another giggle slipping as he mutters something inaudible to Liam’s jaw.

“Of course it is, mate,” Liam tells him quietly with a reassuring smile. “Louis adores you, babe.”

Harry nods, curls shaking as he kisses Liam’s cheek and pulls away with tired eyes. Liam returns the gesture and hops up from the stool, thrusting another glass of water Harry’s way with raised eyebrows as he sulks miserably before taking a small sip.

“Keep an eye on him, yeah?” He tells Jade as he wipes his hands with a cloth and nods over to Harry. “I’m nipping out for a quick smoke.”

Liam holds the door open for a group of familiar faces on his way out, shivering into the dark night as he settles down onto a bench, subconscious thoughts knowing it’s the same him and Zayn usually sit at. He lights up a cigarette, a sigh pressing his lips as he tastes the bitter warmth, eyes fluttering shut with the imagination of Zayn’s tongue pressed to his own.

Liam’s head shoots up when he hears a quiet _you shouldn’t smoke, you know – s’bad for you_ , a figure stood in the gateway to the garden, face shielded by the darkness. Liam’s eyes narrow, teeth tugging at his lip as it takes him a second to recognise the familiar voice.

“Zayn?” He questions, the thought settled in his mind that Zayn isn’t to be back until Thursday and he’s imagining things. He pushes himself up from the bench, words shaking as the figure steps closer and the moonlight floods over the man’s face.

He blinks, fingers dropping the cigarette he’s holding as he sees dark eyes and parted lips, a soft pink that he’s learned and kissed. There’s a light stubble shadowing his cheekbones, painted up his jaw and towards his messy hair that sits dishevelled across his forehead.

“Zayn,” he breathes, lips parted as his eyes search Zayn’s face with confusion and surprise drawn to his expression.

Zayn grins, a dimple pressing to his cheek as he chews down onto his lip and mutters _hey, babe_ into the cold.  

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Liam gasps, closing the space between the two and hurling his arms around Zayn’s neck, a gentle laugh pressed against his skin as Liam drinks him in.

“There was another flight to London this morning,” Zayn tells him and Liam grins into his shoulder, his breathing a little unsteady as his fingers climb Zayn’s back and he presses the two closer. “I finished yesterday so I thought I’d come home.”

Liam smiles, choking a little as he pulls away and drags his eyes over every tiny detail of Zayn’s face.

“C’mere,” he mutters, hands clutching the back of Zayn’s head as he pulls him closer and smiles against Zayn’s lips, so many thoughts and whispers shared in their kiss. Liam giggles at the stubble brushed over his jaw, his fingertips sweeping over the softness of Zayn’s skin as he grins and kisses desperately at Liam’s lips.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Zayn bruises against his mouth, a smile sharing so many words that they don’t have the time to say. Liam whimpers into the kiss, Zayn’s words settling _love_ in his mind.

“Babe, fuck, I need to tell you something,” Liam whispers, lips brushing against Zayn’s as he wraps his hands into the collar of Zayn’s coat and nudges his nose against Zayn’s.

“Yeah?” Zayn asks, worry flashing in his eyes as he looks up at Liam from behind long eyelashes and thoughts of Zayn on his knees for Liam bursts images in his mind that he internally moans at.

“Yeah,” Liam nods, nerves pooling in his stomach as he chews at his lip and pecks another slow kiss at Zayn’s lips.

“I, god I missed you so much,” he mewls softly, Zayn’s lips flashing a smile. “And, I. Please don’t run, or leave, or…babe. I just, I love you.”

He breathes out as the words tumble from his lips, heart dramatically and pathetically loud in his chest as he nervously shies up at Zayn, eyes a soft hope.

“You do?” Zayn whispers, tongue flicking out against his lip and Liam watches with anxious eyes at the lips he longs to kiss again.

“Yeah, I – I’m sorry,” he mutters quietly, eyes falling and thumbs stroking out against Zayn’s jaw.

“Don’t be sorry, you donut,” Zayn murmurs with an affectionate sigh, a smile breaking his lips and brushing carelessly close to Liam’s.

“I love you, too, Liam. Like, so much,” he says softly, a knife in Liam’s stomach that cuts away at his lining with nothing but relief curved to the wound. “You don’t know how much I wanted to tell you, but I was in bloody France. And, I needed to wait, y’know? I wanted to tell you in person, and –”

“Shut up,” Liam grins, pulling at Zayn’s collar and trapping a hopeful kiss to lips. “We can talk later, when I’m telling you every single reason I love you while I fuck you.”

Zayn whimpers, fingers pressing against Liam’s jaw as he licks into his mouth, tongue pressing against Liam’s in the softest and most delicate way possible.

It’s cold, and Liam cannot feel his toes or fingers but, in the midst of this quiet town with his mates inside on stools and Zayn cuddled close to his body, murmurs of _I love you_ pressed softly to their tongues, he thinks that this is how it was always supposed to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so so sorry for the cheesy ending, it's a little cliche but most love stories are.  
> you can find me [here](http://englandziam.tumblr.com/) :)


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